so much stress, but I will have plenty of storage for it all

So the perfect husband, baby puppy and I will be embarking on a new adventure soon. Soonish. Soon-y? Soon, if you can call once the cars are paid off and we find a piece of land that fits our criteria and finally come to terms with a design and materials and my husband and I decide on a color of brick, soon, then soon. Anyway...
We will be building a new home. argh. I have a feeling that I may have finally bit off more than I can chew guys. I am so gonna lose it but I am also starting to get really excited. We have been looking at houses since before Frankie was born and nothing was ever exactly what we really wanted or in the area we wanted and it started to seem like we were paying an awful lot to not get even CLOSE to what we wanted so we are finally biting the bullet and shopping for land instead. I have found a few house plans and the father in law is an architect so I will be picking his brain like crazy, I have some modified plans in the works and we will be attending the local home builders show this weekend so I can say that I am equal parts excited and terrified but over the next 2-3 years I am sure I will have this all worked out. :) (God I hope it dosent take that long...)

Here is an idea I modified in paint :)

This one is a little rough. Don't say I didn't warn you...

Today is 10 pounds of suck in a 8 pound bag.


There is really no other way I can describe today… I am having a rough one and it isn’t due to anything that has happened directly to me. I am upset that I am currently located smack dab in the middle of two other locations in the country that need me (or don’t? I don’t know.) I wish I was in Iowa so I could talk with my cousin, who I think could use someone to vent to or a drinking buddy, at the very least. I also wish I was in South Carolina with my best friend and her daughter who are having a suck fest of their own. I hate being far away from the people that I love. HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE it! This brings me to the root of most problems that have been causing problems in my loved ones lives lately and I feel that I need to vent a bit. I feel I should warn my readers that I do not give two shits if this offends anyone. If you are a parent, the main requirement is now and ALWAYS HAS BEEN that you love your child. Simple, right? Yes. Okay. Let’s get a little more complicated in the next step. Now, you also need to put your child’s needs ahead of your own. Okay, who did I confuse? Anyone? If I did, then STEP THE FUCK OUT OF THE GODDAMNED GENE POOL! Now (Holy Shitballs y’all. It is gonna get tough but I promise this is the last step. Toughen up!) Read the first requirement. Now read the second requirement. See that first one? See that second one? Okay, this is the last one. Re-read them. Re-read them again. THAT LASTS FOR YOUR CHILD’S ENTIRE LIFE!

If you can’t handle that, let me know and I will drop by at your leisure and sterilize you free of charge.



Have a wonderful day.

Random Observation of the day...

I am cheating. This observation is actually from this weekend but here goes...

When I see a black porsche and notice that a woman is driving it, my initial reaction is "Good for her!!"
When I see a black porsche and notice that a man is driving it, my initial reaction is "douchebag."

Hmmm....girl power?

Things I really miss in this 7th month.

1. Taking a deep breath. Seriously. No one tells you that you lose the ability to take a deep breath. No wonder you are prone to random panic attacks in the third trimester!! No body can get enough oxygen!
2. Sleeping. In General. I remember sleep being awesome, like spending a few beautiful hours floating on a cloud while angels stroked your forehead and sang you a sweet lullaby. Now it sucks. Badly.
3. My body.  I really don't think I will ever get it back at this stage. WTH. How is this going to go back?? I need a trainer.
4. Walking to Starbucks on break. It is less than 10 yards away. I felt like I completed a triathalon and needed a nap afterwards, no joke.
5. Being able to watch a TV drama without having an irrational reaction to something that happened to an animal or child. or woman. or man. or houseplant. (sigh)
6. Sitting on my couch. How does a couch become uncomfortable in a week. I hate that thing now. I have ONE chair that is comfortable and not too deep or too low. Stupid couch.
7. The sweet little kicks that I looked forward to. Now I mostly feel Braxton Hicks contractions and they suck. Although she did get the hiccups last night and that was pretty cool. That was a definite plus.
8. The idea that there is plenty of time to get stuff ready. There isn't.
9. Sanity. Everything that feels wrong or hurts terrifies me. I've already had one emergency check up thanks to the BH contractions. I just need to know she is good and staying where she is for 2 more months but on the other hand...number 10.
10. The "sit back and enjoy this time" mentality. I am getting antsy. I would like to see her. When does July get here??

Catching up!

Anthony still won’t let me post the sonogram pictures but I can tell you she is a crazy beautiful little girl with huge eyes and big lips like her momma. She kind of looks like a doll and I can't wait to hold her. We get to have another sonogram on the 13th so they can get the pictures she wouldn't hold still for the first time (she is going to be a handful!) so I hopefully will get to watch her throw a hissy fit again. OH! It finally happened. Baby girl kicked Cheech. It was awesome! He insists on trying to sit where my lap USED to be and ends up in this weird position that looks like a cross between a magician doing his “Voila!” and a gang member sprawled on a bench from one of those lock up shows on MSNBC. (Shut up, I love those shows..That is real reality TV drama people!) So picture my dog all sprawled half on my lap and half on my belly when baby girl decided she was unhappily smushed and gave a great big kick. Cheech jumped and spun his head around to look at my belly, expecting to see SOMETHING but just ending up confused. He got up and moved off the belly with a puppy sigh and settled next to me. Poor thing didn’t even get any sympathy because I was laughing too darn hard to comfort him! I really hope they can be friends after they get used to each other!

I am trying to get a handle on what her current schedule is so that I can be prepared for when she gets here but as far as I can tell she just wakes up about every 3 hours and throws herself a little party until she is worn out and then grabs some more z's. She is a lot like me in college. :)

Crazy pregnancy dreams..

Last night I was transported to pre-Cold War Russia where I was being hidden out by the Catholic church with my baby, who was a demon. Yep, my baby in the dream was a boy (a really odd chubby boy) who lit things on fire and always had a lighter gripped in his fat little hands and would randomly throw up green noxious fluids and scream nonsense. Add to this that the Catholic Church had some sort of clinic for free healthcare where a scary looking old man would heal you with worms and salves. I was put into the care of an American Soldier who was to ferry us back to safety but he would only do so if I could arrange a radiation shower for him because he had been exposed to something during "The Uprising" and that was the only treatment.
I have no clue what the hell this means or why my brain made it up..also I woke up before I was able to get out of Russia...
I am baffled.

Random Observational Post

Just once I would like to go into the ladies room and have it not smell like the marlboro man was having a tea party with a full depends..just sayin'

new picture..and a few stories about how pregnancy makes me dumb.

I haven't posted for awhile, sorry about that. I am now 18 weeks along and 2 weeks away from our sonogram. I can't wait to see the baby!!!!
Random stories about my pregnancy neurosis..
I am no longer allowed to read the pregnancy book because the "cartoons" made me cry. Seriously. The illustrations in the darn week by week pregnancy book that the insurance sent me made me feel like I was too big for 18 weeks. So I cried. A lot.

Anthony took the book away from me..

I also randomly throw the Kleenex box across the room when I feel the urge...and he isn't looking.
I really don't want him to take my Kleenex box away..

OMG STFU *SMH*

I am having one of the days that just won't end..actually I am having one of those WEEKS! I am running super low on patience and am having a harder and harder time not randomly snapping at people who appear to just be talking to hear their own voice..Hormones are a Bi-atch! (and so am I, for the record)
In good news of the blogging about my pregnancy variety, it appears that the morning sickness is beginning to level out and my first trimester officially is over on wednesday. I am still unable to sleep more that 3 consecutive hours a night and can't breathe for crap if laying down (This is a sinus issue but I can't have ANY GOOD DRUGS!) (sigh) I am back to liking my normal foods and eating on a normal schedule which is awesome because I freaking love eating, seriously..chinese, pasta, greek..Bring it ON! I still am just eating many small meals a day and if I mess up the rotation then I will still get nauseous so I have to pay attention to how long it has been since I ate (2 hours=Grab a snack! 4hours=Grab a puke bucket) I may be getting the hang of this pregnancy thing but what I really miss is my old friends..you know..Topomax, Xanax, Vicodin..I can't wait to be able to hang out with those guys again! I am seriously on 6 months without my migraine medication (SUCK) and 4 months without anything for anxiety (not a big deal except that crazy hormone changes give you awful anxiety attacks, on top of my already overactive OCD.) and no pain meds besides Tylenol (HA!) to use when I get a migraine.  I seriously miss sleeping and not having headaches. I understand that this is all worth it (For serious, I wish I could listen to that heartbeat every day. It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard) but sometimes when I am pacing with a migraine and can't get any relief, I get a little frustrated. I'm human. I am an overly emotional, sometimes highly excitable and always exhausted human. All of that being said, however, I can not wait until our next sonogram. I am dying to see this little face!!!

sorry, I have been MIA lately.

There has been a lot going on! I will be able to tell you all about it soon but for now I have to keep that little tidbit of news under wraps. I do, however, have a new obsession. It is called my brand new, bright red, locking  lidded crock pot. I know, I know..how lame, but seriously I love it. It is pretty and I can throw stuff in it in the morning and I come home and that magic little pot made me dinner. The inventer deserves a medal or a lap dance, I don't know..something good.
In related news, I scared the crap out of husband this morning when I woke up after a dream dripping with pink jelly beans and decided that I should just get started on some crock pot cacciatore. He woke up to me in the kitchen chopping onions and decided the only logical explanation had to be that I was sleepwalking? SERIOUSLY! He thought I was chopping onions in my sleep and stumbled downstairs to save me from my self-inflicted demise at the hand of a sharp knife and my own slumber. He's a truly wonderful husband and he cracks me up.

Why does random crap always happen to me when no one else is around to see/hear it???

So I am in the bathroom here at work and someone else walks in (I assume) in mid conversation (with themselves or on the phone, couldn't tell but I didn't hear anyone else.) and I hear "If it wasn't for coffee I don't think I'd ever pooh." Ummmmmmmm....Okay, do you know how hard I had to work to stifle my laugh?? Then as I washed my hands and got the heck out of there I turned off the bathroom light (it's habit at home, I'm green yo.) and then had to switch it back on and get out of there before I lost it...I'm smooth.

quickest list of random things about me ever..

Okay..Sorry about the short post but I was absolutely enthralled watching the earth give birth to miners in Chile.

Things about me..the random edition.
I am the only childless child in my family. (working on it, mom!)
I write this crap while flipping through my Ipod, it helps with the randomness.
My first job was at Hardee's and I managed to make fun of a presidential candidate during my short tenure there. Bob Dole, I know..the pen should have tipped me off.
I have a scar on my knee where I skinned it every day falling down at the same spot on my street for an entire summer.
I met my husband before I could speak. (HOOK EM YOUNG, LADIES)
No, it was not an arranged marriage, we just got lucky.
(hah! I said lucky)
Listening to TOOL makes me angry for no reason.
Sting makes me feel lovely..that is one gorgeous tantric gentleman.
This site needs automatic spell-check.
I taught my sister to appreciate my poop humor by desensitizing her to it. I randomly bring up poop at family dinners. I think she finds it endearing now.
Halloween is my favorite holiday. Dress up is fun.
I touched two famous men last night.
I look pregnant in that picture. (seriously, check my previous blog..baby bump or fat? FAT!)
Doughnuts taste good.
running out of time...what to write, what to write?!?!?!?
Breaded tenderloin horseshoes are my favorite..from the Barrelhead. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
TOTS! (reference to BarrelHead)

Okay kids, gotta run. Time to shut it down!

Time to escape the comfort zone, people!

I had a really good time last night by forcing myself to get out of my cute, cozy little box and go do something out of the ordinary.
Over the past few years I have been choosing comfort and solitude over adventure more and more, call it the security of having a great husband and great home, but putting on my cozies after work and having a snuggle on the couch ranks right up there with my favorite things. I would honestly rather stay in and watch something on tv or on demand then get all dolled up and go to a bar to sit around and talk to a bunch of people I don't really know. (most nights, and this dosen't include my actual friends)
Last night, however, was different.

Last night I got a text from a good friend asking me to go out to the college and see a private screening of the new FX show Terriers with her. My first reaction was: Naw..I'm cozy and I would have to put on something cute and fix my makeup..too hard. After about 6 follow up texts (Michelle can be quite persuasive) I finally got my lazy ass up and went out to the college with her. Let me explain what I walked into..a residence hall with about 25 19 year old girls sitting around and giving us a look that says "WTH are they doing here..they are old". I was instantly regretting my decision. They are all talking about a chem lab and Michelle and I are discussing pre-schools and bus routes. Awkward. I shake it off and decide that the little 19 year olds can suck it and I am staying, I came here to do something out of the ordinary after all, what did I expect? So fully prepped and starting to get sucked into the excitement around me I settle into to the screening room and start to loosen up. Michelle starts smacking the crap out of me and I notice that the actors have arrived. Okay, I will geek out really quick and tell you that I, even at the ripe old age of 30, was a bit star struck. Oh. Dear. Lord. Donal Logue and Michael Raymond-James were hanging out in the same room as I, and they are HOT. Just sayin'. It also needs to be mentioned that the show, Terriers, was actually really good. I enjoyed it and it had a nice mix of comedic timing and bad-assery to it. I'm a fan. I am including the pic of me with the guys, although it is an AWFUL picture of me, it really shows how freaking adorable they are.

Foot in Mouth day

Today is not my friend.
First of all, I broke the cardinal rule of Reply All. Craptastic.
I managed to send a VERY snarky email out to my entire team..I r genius.
Luckily my boss actually agreed with my message (not my attitude, I am sure) and sent a follow up email to the team regarding my original message. Then I managed to cut off a dear friend on my drive into the office from lunch, I didn't know it was him until he managed to get up along side me to wave, with his two sons in the car. I am a total jackass today. TOTAL JACKASS. Sheesh.

Oh crap! I almost forgot!!
I also forwarded a nice client email I received to my boss, while adding a note that a co-worker thought that we should be provided Frosty's for our hard work...and auto correct changed it to Fourty's. I asked my boss for fourty's.

I am awesome.

We may get a little personal, but I am told that is what a blog is for..

I like my life, I really really do. I have everything anyone could ever want. Don't get me wrong, I am not rich, I do not drive a Bentley and I live in a modest 2 bedroom house about five minutes from the center of "all that is wrong with government", Illinois (The capital building in Springfield). What I DO have is possibly the world's most incredible husband and an adorable loving puppy. I have a job that I am good at and a boss that really does respect me and acknowledge all my hard work. This IS the american dream. I understand that. So why do I feel like I am, a)being selfish and b)about to upset the wonderful balance I have managed to achieve, in my sudden quest to have a baby. Am I the only person that has had this struggle? Is it just my OCD telling me that everything is about to implode?
On the flipside..Why isn't it working yet? People get knocked up with the help of SoCo every weekend as far as I can tell, so why is it so difficult to get knocked up when you are FREAKING TRYING TO! Seriously?!?! Are my ovaries lazy?? I don't want to end up taking my temperature every 10 minutes, but evidently I have absolutely NO CLUE what my body is doing. This is frustrating, especially since I am equally terrified of having a baby and not being able to get pregnant. I have no idea what I should be feeling anymore.. I am excited about the future but terrified about the turn the world seems to be taking (including, but not limited to: the state of education, the state of the economy, the unrest between contries and the all too present terror threat, and last but not least, the crazy people that do terrible things for no reason right here in our country.)

I am starting to see that this IS probably the OCD..Hello there, therapy.

Anyway, I just felt a need to unload. Sometimes the weight of things just build up until the weight of nothing can become so heavy that getting out of bed becomes a struggle, and I do not want to get to that point. I know that everything will be fine, and everything is going to work out. Hubby tells me that every time I get freaked out and I trust him completely.
I am just a little surprised that, at 30, I could be this freaked out about taking this next step. I guess we are all just a tentative child inside when it comes to making big decisions.

I had cupcakes and yet today still makes me want to go back to bed..

I had a cupcake for breakfast, usually that would make my day. Add in a cup of Blue Mountain Coffee and it becomes a stellar day, however, it appears the day is dead set on mocking me. While doing my makeup I shook my powder only to find that the top wasn't on and then had to clean everything and dump out my coffee since an inordinant amount of Bare Minerals was floating in it. I attempted to do my hair only to spray watermelon body spray instead of bed head beach waves spray in it (I smell like a 12 year old) then tried to towel dry it out with the towel I cleaned up all the powder with. awesome.

I still managed to get out of the house on time to go get the tags for the car (that was a win) but didn't have the time to stop for coffee which sucked. a lot. I also found out I am out of the Starbucks Via so no coffee for me since I won't pay $5 a month to drink the bobcat urine they call coffee here.

Then I went over the check book only to realize that I forgot to pay the electic and gas companies and have been spending money that wasn't "disposable" after all. freaking sweet. I should be getting my dumbass award any day now.

I also warn everyone that today is my boring late shift so you will be getting multiple blogs.

kindawannascreamtodayohmygodimissvacationandihavetopeeevery20minutesandnoIAMNOTPREGNANTYET

Hmmmm..that was pretty much all I had to say..yup. This monthly gift of mine just keeps on showing up and it is starting to really really really REALLY piss me off. Whatever...more money for me. I am going to need to shop for fall anyway. I really really REALLY miss Jamaica. I think my ovaries are lazy, by the way..or they are just total failures, oh well... This is pretty much just a TMI blog today..I will not be posting this to facebook or twitter, this is just a venting blog. I hate everything today. Someone bring me a damn cupcake.

Breaking news....I am nuts.

Here is a quick summary of last evening at my house: Got home, went for a run, had dinner with Anthony. He ended up allowing me to skip the gym since I had opted for a jog so after dinner I cozied up and settled in for tv and puppy snugglin' good times. What happened next shall forever haunt me...the LARGEST FREAKING SPIDER ON EARTH ran from my DVD shelves across the living room carpet and paused (I assume to consider the best way to kill me) in front of the armoir. Seriously, this spider was soooo big that I wasn't sure what it was at first. I was totally frozen..terrified and having a very very hard time coming up with a plan, since all I could hear inside my head was screaming. Picture how ridiculous this actually looked as I detail what unfolded.. I am huddled on my couch attempting to not look directly at the spider from hell while pretending that I don't see anything so Cheech dosen't notice and run over to eat the deadly evil and I assume venomous transformer of a spider. Then after the spider moved again (SHRIEK!) to the puppy snuggle ball I hightailed it to the bathroom where all I could find was a can of flying insect killer (I'll try anything...I would have used hair spray is I had any) and about a MILLION FREAKING CANDLES! I grabbed the pest poison and snuck back into my living room while trying to look nonchalant to both the quizzical puppy and the bloodthirsty spider to turn on the overhead light. Fan turns on, no light. JEEEBUS!! So then I have to drag a chair from the dining room to the living room (it is getting much harder to appear casual at this point) so I can reach the fan to turn off the wind machine and on the light so that I can keep the spider in my sights..And THEN..FINALLY...I chicken out and cower on the couch at the mere thought of walking closer to the spider. I rock. I start to reformulate a plan but all I can come up with is to open the front door of my house and fling the snuggle ball out the front door while screaming and pray the spider dosen't fall out or jump out and attack me.

At this point, Anthony came home. (Thank Jesus!)

I started speaking really fast to explain all that had happened while he had been at the gym, which only worried him more I bet. Then I just started saying "No, Don't touch the snuggle ball. It is IN THERE!!" So he sent me upstairs (mostly because I think I was freaking him out) and then I hear "Holy Crap, THAT IS A BIG SPIDER" followed by a heavy thud. Dead prehistoric deadly venomous ninja spider. Halleluia!

Cue the Xanax.

I will just post verbatim what my tweets were posted last night.
"Any twits out there taking Xanax? (generic xanax anyway..I have HMO) Do your pills have a symbol that looks like the breast cancer ribbon? Because the last thing I need in the middle of an anxiety attack is to suddenly think I have cancer..not cool pharmaceutical company."

It was a really long night.

today is nuts-o

I am late again and have had an absolutely insane day..Crazy with the productivity, I am..don't you know.
I think I am slap-happy. All I want to do is go home and wash my face, put on my cozies and snuggle my pup (and husband..he is cute as well) and eat the indian lentils and rice my husband promised me this morning. (that is kind of a lie..I totally want to head home and do all those things while Jon Bon Jovi follows me around with an acoustic guitar singing to me softly..but that isn't bloodly likely, now is it?) (oookay, just to be honest..if I am going to say that Jon will be in my house with me after work I think we can just erase the husband and the puppy from the evening and I would leave my makeup on. Also no snuggly pants...actually, no pants)
Well then. Next subject.
How about a new weekly "random crap no one needs to know about me" round up??

Right on. Here we go.

I am allergic to venom. I have a doctors note to prove it.
I will not go in my basement after dark unless there is a tornado screaming over head.
This is related to the venom issue, and the invisible ninja spider that lives down there, despite my assassins multiple attempts to disarm him.
It is crazy lonely in this office when you are alone in a storm.
I do not like tootsey rolls.
I also do not know how they spell tootsey.
I love perfume but am allergic to it.
If I spend too long in a Sephora, I will get a migraine. Every. Damn. Time.
I am awesome.
I am running out of crap to say.
I am addicted to caffeine.
I will, on occasion, offer to punch my grandma for a snickers.
shush, she is a tough old bird, she could totally take me in a fight.
My great grandmo used to threaten to give us a "fishy fishy" if we didn't eat, then she would back hand us in the head.
To this day, I am convinced that people in Italy hit each other with fish.
I just realized that italian women become oddly violent regarding their food.
Full legal name has more characters that the alphabet.
Still an hour and a half to go..Damn it.
Scooter my daisey heads.
I did that to see if I could confuse you..
Also so Mrs C can post the inevitable retort.
There is a scary rumble over head and I am surrounded by windows.
Living in the Midwest is crap.
I have cramps.
I posted my resume on Monster and every life insurance company in the USA has now offered me a position. I turned them all down. because I have standards. and a job.
I am now bored with this.
Blog fail.

blogger is trying to make me find Jesus.

If you click next from my blog you will be reading all about Psalms and Jesus and...Deer? Yeah, I don't get that one either. Basically what I am getting at is.. "I WAS BAPTISED AT 6 MONTHS OLD, BLOGGER!! I DON'T NEED SAVED!! I JUST REALLY LIKE CURSING!! SHITBALLS COCK COCK SURF TESTICALS DOUCHEBALL ASSHAT!"

Okay, then.
That is all.