Not Shocking.

So the general consensus appears to be that feeling like everyone in your life is trying to make you feel inadequate and taking over how you should be raising your child is (wait for it.....) Completely Normal. I shouldn't be shocked. I know. Especially in the overly large, outspoken Italian family I was born into where I am the youngest child by 7 years and was pretty much always treated like I have no idea what I am doing. Usually I am okay with that because I can just let someone take care of the hard stuff for me, but this is different. This I can do. This I want to do. I am an ADULT. I am the parent. I don't know how to prove that to anyone and I am just so damn angry that I have to...

an update and a warning.

I am in the world’s shittiest mood and I still have no information from my doctor. Evidently my liver test was fine and they have no clue when the bile test (the actual test to diagnose cholestasis) will be back. He thinks perhaps I should just see a dermatologist for a rash that I don’t even have. I also wonder what the fuck he thinks a dermatologist will be able to do for my insomnia and nausea. Perhaps a dermatologist could also deliver my baby? Ass. I am seriously about a day from just giving up on eating or sleeping and my next appointment is on Monday so my outlook isn’t too great, as you can tell. Since the wonderful Dr. can’t come up with a course of treatment I guess I will just have to go with no sleep and no food until he can come up with a better fucking plan or at least decide to read the actual notes on my visit with Dr. Hany from Thursday and come up with something better. I am so sick of this I don’t even care anymore. I give up.

Warning: This is extremely bitchy and you should probably not read it.

This weekend blew. Well, let me correct that…HALF of this weekend blew. A friend of mine offered to do pregnancy pictures for me and at first I refused because I am ridiculously vain and honestly am not terribly comfortable in this new body but then I agreed and ended up having a wonderful time, so THAT was the good part. We then went to a cookout with friends and had a great time as well, up until I decided the day had been long enough and my feet were large enough while my husband decided that beer tastes like heaven and forgot to give a crap about hugely pregnant wife in 80 degree weather. So I left him there. I went home and showered off the hours of sweat and ran to the store to get puppy treats and then made the puppy dinner (he is on a special diet) which he was 2 ½ hours overdue for. I text the husband to offer to come get him but he decided he would stay and find his own way home about 2 hours later. I am sure the women out there can see the issue as the next morning was Mother’s Day. Husband came home and went straight to bed and then commenced snoring so loud that I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I honestly would have smothered him if I hadn’t decided to just go downstairs to try to sleep on the couch. (Pregnancy tip: It is impossible to get comfortable on a couch at 7 months pregnant. Do not even attempt.) I did manage to catch up on my DVR’d soaps and last weeks One Tree Hill so that was nice and just as I managed to fall asleep Husband decided to come downstairs in his stupor to get some Advil (hangovers are a bitch, eh?) turning on lights and waking me up AGAIN. So after less than 3 hours of sleep I finally hauled my butt up and decided to just shower and take the puppy out to my mom’s house to give her her card and LO AND BEHOLD, who is magically awake and asking me where I am going? Husband. Oh goody. I informed him I was going to my mothers and he should attempt to remember to do the same while I am gone. (this will figure back into the story later.) I then leave after biting my tongue when he asked if I wanted to do anything for Mothers day when I got back. (My mind had a lot to say on this one...”I had assumed that being hung over and ignoring me was how you had planned to spend my first mother’s day” or “oh I am so sorry, I forgot to make plans to celebrate for you. How about you just go back to sleep and I will think of something?”) but I just mentioned that I was surprised he knew it was mother’s day and walked out. Puppy and I went to my mom’s and had a nice sit outside and talked and then I headed home...to receive a card (sweet card, perhaps something hand written inside would have worked though, huh?) and some hydrangeas from the “holy shit, I am stupid and need to fix this with my wife pronto” last minute selection at the grocery store and the promise of a spa day after the wee one makes her arrival. Sure. I will put that on my calendar. He also asked if I would like to put my microwaved leftovers away and get brunch (a hint I had less than subtly dropped about a week earlier.) I figured that belonged in the “Too late” category and ate the leftovers and went up for a nap, exhausted from 3 hours of sleep and rage, and woke to an empty house at dinner time. Huh. No note to be found but the absence of the fern he buys his mother every year led me to believe he had taken his mother’s day present to her for dinner time as they were planning on cooking out. Awesome. Dinner will now be coming from the microwave again. Sweet. I cleaned the house, fed the puppy dinner and arranged some laundry while he was having (what I assume to be a lovely and pre-planned) Mother’s Day with his family. He offered to make me whatever I wanted upon his return and by that point cooking would have taken us into the evening news so a steamed veggie pouch in sauce and a couple of pop tarts were dinner. (Pregnancy tip: blueberry pop tarts will kind of taste like pie if you concentrate real hard.)

At this point I would like to explain exactly why I was upset. I am getting a lovely present that we had ordered together last week (a beautiful custom baby memories book from Etsy) This isn’t about a present. In fact, at this stage I would like to spend as little money as possible. I am upset at the lack of forethought and courtesy on what I had hoped would be a wonderful day that I could remember as my first mother’s day with my husband and pup and the little gymnast in my tummy. What I got was some last minute flowers and a card and a day full of silence and pouting because I was mad at him. Pregnancy hormones are not to be fucked with and I simply do not have the necessary skills to stop being angry about this. I have tried various tried and true ways to get over it such as crying it out, and screaming to music in my car. Nothing is working. I guess time will tell…

I apologize for such an angry hormonal post so I will now make it up to you with a picture of a cuddly animal. Here you go.

I had cupcakes and yet today still makes me want to go back to bed..

I had a cupcake for breakfast, usually that would make my day. Add in a cup of Blue Mountain Coffee and it becomes a stellar day, however, it appears the day is dead set on mocking me. While doing my makeup I shook my powder only to find that the top wasn't on and then had to clean everything and dump out my coffee since an inordinant amount of Bare Minerals was floating in it. I attempted to do my hair only to spray watermelon body spray instead of bed head beach waves spray in it (I smell like a 12 year old) then tried to towel dry it out with the towel I cleaned up all the powder with. awesome.

I still managed to get out of the house on time to go get the tags for the car (that was a win) but didn't have the time to stop for coffee which sucked. a lot. I also found out I am out of the Starbucks Via so no coffee for me since I won't pay $5 a month to drink the bobcat urine they call coffee here.

Then I went over the check book only to realize that I forgot to pay the electic and gas companies and have been spending money that wasn't "disposable" after all. freaking sweet. I should be getting my dumbass award any day now.

I also warn everyone that today is my boring late shift so you will be getting multiple blogs.

not happy right now...

Here is another of my pet peeves...do not send me a random distressed/upset email that I wont receive until AFTER you log out and then run away with your phone turned off so I can't reach you..I think my blood pressure is roughly double what it should be right now...seriously. my fingers tingle. Not pleased... Kinda want to scream.