Not Shocking.

So the general consensus appears to be that feeling like everyone in your life is trying to make you feel inadequate and taking over how you should be raising your child is (wait for it.....) Completely Normal. I shouldn't be shocked. I know. Especially in the overly large, outspoken Italian family I was born into where I am the youngest child by 7 years and was pretty much always treated like I have no idea what I am doing. Usually I am okay with that because I can just let someone take care of the hard stuff for me, but this is different. This I can do. This I want to do. I am an ADULT. I am the parent. I don't know how to prove that to anyone and I am just so damn angry that I have to...

so much stress, but I will have plenty of storage for it all

So the perfect husband, baby puppy and I will be embarking on a new adventure soon. Soonish. Soon-y? Soon, if you can call once the cars are paid off and we find a piece of land that fits our criteria and finally come to terms with a design and materials and my husband and I decide on a color of brick, soon, then soon. Anyway...
We will be building a new home. argh. I have a feeling that I may have finally bit off more than I can chew guys. I am so gonna lose it but I am also starting to get really excited. We have been looking at houses since before Frankie was born and nothing was ever exactly what we really wanted or in the area we wanted and it started to seem like we were paying an awful lot to not get even CLOSE to what we wanted so we are finally biting the bullet and shopping for land instead. I have found a few house plans and the father in law is an architect so I will be picking his brain like crazy, I have some modified plans in the works and we will be attending the local home builders show this weekend so I can say that I am equal parts excited and terrified but over the next 2-3 years I am sure I will have this all worked out. :) (God I hope it dosent take that long...)

Here is an idea I modified in paint :)

Things I've learned in the first two months...(this post is likely to be misconstrued and held against me)

I would like to start out by saying that I am incredibly blessed to be surrounded by family and friends that want to be such a huge part of my daughters life. I mean that with all of my heart, truly. It has just recently occurred to me that I may have been putting the needs and wants of the masses ahead of the needs and wants of her father and I. (I realized this about the time I realized that I had not taken any pictures of her baptism nor were there any pictures of us with our daughter for her baptism. We will never get that day back. It made me cry.) This weekend we finally stood up and said no to event invitations and took two entire days alone at home with our daughter and it has been amazing. She has stayed on a schedule, we have had tummy time and play time and some of the funniest conversations involving only grunts and syllables in the entire galaxy. Cheech (our puppy) has actually tried to play with her for the first time, which leads me to believe that the problem wasn't that he wasn't into babies, it was that he wasn't around her enough to figure her out. Once she is big enough to throw a tennis ball, I think they will be best friends. This weekend was just what the four of us needed, which leads me to the following list...

The most important things to remember:
I am her mother, not her driver. I should act like it.
When she is sleeping, we will not be leaving the house.
When she is eating or due to eat, we will not be leaving the house.
If we have not spent at LEAST three consecutive hours together as a family, we will not be leaving the house.


These are our new family rules and I am sticking to them. Now back to baby time, I don't want to miss a thing...

Things I really miss in this 7th month.

1. Taking a deep breath. Seriously. No one tells you that you lose the ability to take a deep breath. No wonder you are prone to random panic attacks in the third trimester!! No body can get enough oxygen!
2. Sleeping. In General. I remember sleep being awesome, like spending a few beautiful hours floating on a cloud while angels stroked your forehead and sang you a sweet lullaby. Now it sucks. Badly.
3. My body.  I really don't think I will ever get it back at this stage. WTH. How is this going to go back?? I need a trainer.
4. Walking to Starbucks on break. It is less than 10 yards away. I felt like I completed a triathalon and needed a nap afterwards, no joke.
5. Being able to watch a TV drama without having an irrational reaction to something that happened to an animal or child. or woman. or man. or houseplant. (sigh)
6. Sitting on my couch. How does a couch become uncomfortable in a week. I hate that thing now. I have ONE chair that is comfortable and not too deep or too low. Stupid couch.
7. The sweet little kicks that I looked forward to. Now I mostly feel Braxton Hicks contractions and they suck. Although she did get the hiccups last night and that was pretty cool. That was a definite plus.
8. The idea that there is plenty of time to get stuff ready. There isn't.
9. Sanity. Everything that feels wrong or hurts terrifies me. I've already had one emergency check up thanks to the BH contractions. I just need to know she is good and staying where she is for 2 more months but on the other hand...number 10.
10. The "sit back and enjoy this time" mentality. I am getting antsy. I would like to see her. When does July get here??

FYI, Yes I will be returning to work

I was just emailing my best friend when she sent me a link to a blog about how bitchy people can get about working moms and daycare. I am beginning to feel quite strongly about this issue as I have recently been receiving the "Ohhh, You WILL be going back to work after the baby??" question in the tone of voice that suggests that I may not be a great mom or perhaps I should have waited until we could afford a child instead of paying strangers to raise her. I'd like to clear something up right now. I will be returning to work and the reasons are not purely financial. I am good at what I do. I like what I do. I feel good about doing what I do. I am positive there will be days that I will hate leaving my baby girl but I have selected a fantastic home day care where I am completely comfortable with her being. I am diagnosed with OCD and being able to say that I finally have a puppy sitter that I trust took almost 7 years so trust me that this daycare thing was a big deal. A very BIG DEAL. I have been using smart ass humor to end the conversation up to this point (i.e. My answer has mainly been that I have to go back to work to support our coke habit, if you think the price of gas has gone up you would be amazed at the current mark up on pharmaceutical grade cocaine!) and if people don't know that that is a joke then they can just eff right off. I have nothing against being a stay at home mom, I was raised by a stay at home mom who took care of all four of us kids and kept a beautiful home on top of that. God bless her. I would also like to tell you what else my mom excelled at: she taught my sister and me to be independent and speak our mind and never rely on anyone for anything that you can provide for yourself. This isn't a reflection on my parent’s marriage in any way as they are still happily married after what seems like eons. I am pretty sure around 50 years, in fact. This was just the way she wanted us to behave so that she knew we would be able to take care of ourselves in the face of any obstacle. I am happily married (heading to year 11 already! Time sure flies!) and expecting my first baby and I plan on raising my daughter the exact same way. I just hope by the time I am welcoming my first grand baby that people will have a much more evolved view of the working mother. I am embarking on working two full time jobs and I simply couldn't be happier. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, you judgmental old bags.

Managing Expectations in Life

In business, managing your client’s expectations up front can save a lot of time and stress in the future for everyone involved. In life, the same is absolutely true. I have learned that when dealing with people who have hurt you, you can't continue to expect something that someone is just not willing to provide. In this respect the only thing you can control is how you manage your expectations of the relationship. We all have many complicated relationships revolving around us at all times and it is completely understandable that we would hope to have each of those be completely equal and fulfilling be it friend, acquaintance, lover or family but the odds of that happening are slim. The best way to proceed once this has been proven is to immediately reevaluate the situation and take you out of the equation. I tend to be very sensitive and I dwell on situations that I have no control over. In this respect I have left myself open to a lot of unnecessary heartache. The most important lessons I have learned are these: You can’t control others actions, only your reactions and that YOU teach people how to treat you. If you are constantly stuck in the same cycle in relationships then the only thing that you can do to mitigate any further emotional stress or pain is to work to control how you let the relationship affect your life. We CAN control who is in our lives and how much power we give them, if they prove unworthy then all you have to do is take the power away and move on knowing that you did what you could and you had control over your own part of the relationship. When any relationship becomes too much work and not enough reward then all you can do is be honest and move on. Learning this truth can really take a weight off of our shoulders and let you rest and this emotional baggage is the best kind of weight to lose.