This one is a little rough. Don't say I didn't warn you...

Today is 10 pounds of suck in a 8 pound bag.


There is really no other way I can describe today… I am having a rough one and it isn’t due to anything that has happened directly to me. I am upset that I am currently located smack dab in the middle of two other locations in the country that need me (or don’t? I don’t know.) I wish I was in Iowa so I could talk with my cousin, who I think could use someone to vent to or a drinking buddy, at the very least. I also wish I was in South Carolina with my best friend and her daughter who are having a suck fest of their own. I hate being far away from the people that I love. HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE it! This brings me to the root of most problems that have been causing problems in my loved ones lives lately and I feel that I need to vent a bit. I feel I should warn my readers that I do not give two shits if this offends anyone. If you are a parent, the main requirement is now and ALWAYS HAS BEEN that you love your child. Simple, right? Yes. Okay. Let’s get a little more complicated in the next step. Now, you also need to put your child’s needs ahead of your own. Okay, who did I confuse? Anyone? If I did, then STEP THE FUCK OUT OF THE GODDAMNED GENE POOL! Now (Holy Shitballs y’all. It is gonna get tough but I promise this is the last step. Toughen up!) Read the first requirement. Now read the second requirement. See that first one? See that second one? Okay, this is the last one. Re-read them. Re-read them again. THAT LASTS FOR YOUR CHILD’S ENTIRE LIFE!

If you can’t handle that, let me know and I will drop by at your leisure and sterilize you free of charge.



Have a wonderful day.

Breaking news....I am nuts.

Here is a quick summary of last evening at my house: Got home, went for a run, had dinner with Anthony. He ended up allowing me to skip the gym since I had opted for a jog so after dinner I cozied up and settled in for tv and puppy snugglin' good times. What happened next shall forever haunt me...the LARGEST FREAKING SPIDER ON EARTH ran from my DVD shelves across the living room carpet and paused (I assume to consider the best way to kill me) in front of the armoir. Seriously, this spider was soooo big that I wasn't sure what it was at first. I was totally frozen..terrified and having a very very hard time coming up with a plan, since all I could hear inside my head was screaming. Picture how ridiculous this actually looked as I detail what unfolded.. I am huddled on my couch attempting to not look directly at the spider from hell while pretending that I don't see anything so Cheech dosen't notice and run over to eat the deadly evil and I assume venomous transformer of a spider. Then after the spider moved again (SHRIEK!) to the puppy snuggle ball I hightailed it to the bathroom where all I could find was a can of flying insect killer (I'll try anything...I would have used hair spray is I had any) and about a MILLION FREAKING CANDLES! I grabbed the pest poison and snuck back into my living room while trying to look nonchalant to both the quizzical puppy and the bloodthirsty spider to turn on the overhead light. Fan turns on, no light. JEEEBUS!! So then I have to drag a chair from the dining room to the living room (it is getting much harder to appear casual at this point) so I can reach the fan to turn off the wind machine and on the light so that I can keep the spider in my sights..And THEN..FINALLY...I chicken out and cower on the couch at the mere thought of walking closer to the spider. I rock. I start to reformulate a plan but all I can come up with is to open the front door of my house and fling the snuggle ball out the front door while screaming and pray the spider dosen't fall out or jump out and attack me.

At this point, Anthony came home. (Thank Jesus!)

I started speaking really fast to explain all that had happened while he had been at the gym, which only worried him more I bet. Then I just started saying "No, Don't touch the snuggle ball. It is IN THERE!!" So he sent me upstairs (mostly because I think I was freaking him out) and then I hear "Holy Crap, THAT IS A BIG SPIDER" followed by a heavy thud. Dead prehistoric deadly venomous ninja spider. Halleluia!

Cue the Xanax.

I will just post verbatim what my tweets were posted last night.
"Any twits out there taking Xanax? (generic xanax anyway..I have HMO) Do your pills have a symbol that looks like the breast cancer ribbon? Because the last thing I need in the middle of an anxiety attack is to suddenly think I have cancer..not cool pharmaceutical company."

It was a really long night.

feel free to skip this as I may get a little political..

I really prefer not to discuss politics with people I like (because I want to continue to like them) but this whole "burning the Koran' thing is absolutely ridiculous. In fact, I have a friend who is asking everyone he knows to buy a Koran on September 11th to prove to the world that Americans as a whole are not a "hate filled nation of complete hypocrites" and I support this movement 110%. The pastor in Florida is turning Radical Christians against a religion that doesn’t in ANY WAY promote terror ideals. Now we have a set of Radical Christians inciting a group of Radical Islamists..How much freaking sense does this make? This country was "supposedly" founded on the ideal of religious freedom (I doubt the people we stole the land from agree, however.) and to continue to hunt and persecute people who do not agree with Christianity is inhumane, un-American and, most of all, against the fucking LAW.

You may be able to tell that I am not pleased. This makes me angry.

ohdearlordkillmenow..

Seriously....
SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP
SHUTUPSHUTUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


oh my god....I am going to crap in my hand and throw it at her in 2.3 seconds....

Does anyone know of a company hiring in St. Louis that offers a pension and benefits..I have got to get out of here!!!!!

out of my pet peeves, this is the winner

If we are having a conversation about anything, do me a solid and LISTEN. Please don't attempt to anticipate my next question and answer what you think I may have been asking, LISTEN TO THE QUESTION. If you do not have the ability to do this then we should not converse. ever. It just starts to feel like I am having a totally different conversation than you are, and then it begins to feel like a game of "how many ways can I phrase this question before I get an actual answer to it"
That game makes me want to take a cue ball and slam it into your face, just so you know.

To Summarize: Please be an active member of our conversation. Said another way: Please listen actively and not passively. One more time for the kids: If you do not listen to me when I speak, you will bleed. You will also probably be confused by what happened to you face because you were having an imaginary conversation with yourself the entire time.

That is all.

I think someone is getting hacked up in the bathroom right now

I hear the wierdest things when I am here alone...Either the cleaning crew is taking the toilets apart to clean them or something is going down in there..

Also I think poof-daddy is no longer speaking to me tonight. :( I will have to let him wear my sparkly heels to make it up to him. (it's not the first time he has worn them...He wore them back to our hotel for me when my feet hurt and he had lost both contacts and I insisted on waving like a beauty queen to all the passing cars when we were in St. Louis) (awww memories.)

UPDATED>He still loves me...poof-daddy LOVES ME!

Seriously though..I think I need more starbucks..