Things I really miss in this 7th month.

1. Taking a deep breath. Seriously. No one tells you that you lose the ability to take a deep breath. No wonder you are prone to random panic attacks in the third trimester!! No body can get enough oxygen!
2. Sleeping. In General. I remember sleep being awesome, like spending a few beautiful hours floating on a cloud while angels stroked your forehead and sang you a sweet lullaby. Now it sucks. Badly.
3. My body.  I really don't think I will ever get it back at this stage. WTH. How is this going to go back?? I need a trainer.
4. Walking to Starbucks on break. It is less than 10 yards away. I felt like I completed a triathalon and needed a nap afterwards, no joke.
5. Being able to watch a TV drama without having an irrational reaction to something that happened to an animal or child. or woman. or man. or houseplant. (sigh)
6. Sitting on my couch. How does a couch become uncomfortable in a week. I hate that thing now. I have ONE chair that is comfortable and not too deep or too low. Stupid couch.
7. The sweet little kicks that I looked forward to. Now I mostly feel Braxton Hicks contractions and they suck. Although she did get the hiccups last night and that was pretty cool. That was a definite plus.
8. The idea that there is plenty of time to get stuff ready. There isn't.
9. Sanity. Everything that feels wrong or hurts terrifies me. I've already had one emergency check up thanks to the BH contractions. I just need to know she is good and staying where she is for 2 more months but on the other hand...number 10.
10. The "sit back and enjoy this time" mentality. I am getting antsy. I would like to see her. When does July get here??

Warning: This is extremely bitchy and you should probably not read it.

This weekend blew. Well, let me correct that…HALF of this weekend blew. A friend of mine offered to do pregnancy pictures for me and at first I refused because I am ridiculously vain and honestly am not terribly comfortable in this new body but then I agreed and ended up having a wonderful time, so THAT was the good part. We then went to a cookout with friends and had a great time as well, up until I decided the day had been long enough and my feet were large enough while my husband decided that beer tastes like heaven and forgot to give a crap about hugely pregnant wife in 80 degree weather. So I left him there. I went home and showered off the hours of sweat and ran to the store to get puppy treats and then made the puppy dinner (he is on a special diet) which he was 2 ½ hours overdue for. I text the husband to offer to come get him but he decided he would stay and find his own way home about 2 hours later. I am sure the women out there can see the issue as the next morning was Mother’s Day. Husband came home and went straight to bed and then commenced snoring so loud that I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I honestly would have smothered him if I hadn’t decided to just go downstairs to try to sleep on the couch. (Pregnancy tip: It is impossible to get comfortable on a couch at 7 months pregnant. Do not even attempt.) I did manage to catch up on my DVR’d soaps and last weeks One Tree Hill so that was nice and just as I managed to fall asleep Husband decided to come downstairs in his stupor to get some Advil (hangovers are a bitch, eh?) turning on lights and waking me up AGAIN. So after less than 3 hours of sleep I finally hauled my butt up and decided to just shower and take the puppy out to my mom’s house to give her her card and LO AND BEHOLD, who is magically awake and asking me where I am going? Husband. Oh goody. I informed him I was going to my mothers and he should attempt to remember to do the same while I am gone. (this will figure back into the story later.) I then leave after biting my tongue when he asked if I wanted to do anything for Mothers day when I got back. (My mind had a lot to say on this one...”I had assumed that being hung over and ignoring me was how you had planned to spend my first mother’s day” or “oh I am so sorry, I forgot to make plans to celebrate for you. How about you just go back to sleep and I will think of something?”) but I just mentioned that I was surprised he knew it was mother’s day and walked out. Puppy and I went to my mom’s and had a nice sit outside and talked and then I headed home...to receive a card (sweet card, perhaps something hand written inside would have worked though, huh?) and some hydrangeas from the “holy shit, I am stupid and need to fix this with my wife pronto” last minute selection at the grocery store and the promise of a spa day after the wee one makes her arrival. Sure. I will put that on my calendar. He also asked if I would like to put my microwaved leftovers away and get brunch (a hint I had less than subtly dropped about a week earlier.) I figured that belonged in the “Too late” category and ate the leftovers and went up for a nap, exhausted from 3 hours of sleep and rage, and woke to an empty house at dinner time. Huh. No note to be found but the absence of the fern he buys his mother every year led me to believe he had taken his mother’s day present to her for dinner time as they were planning on cooking out. Awesome. Dinner will now be coming from the microwave again. Sweet. I cleaned the house, fed the puppy dinner and arranged some laundry while he was having (what I assume to be a lovely and pre-planned) Mother’s Day with his family. He offered to make me whatever I wanted upon his return and by that point cooking would have taken us into the evening news so a steamed veggie pouch in sauce and a couple of pop tarts were dinner. (Pregnancy tip: blueberry pop tarts will kind of taste like pie if you concentrate real hard.)

At this point I would like to explain exactly why I was upset. I am getting a lovely present that we had ordered together last week (a beautiful custom baby memories book from Etsy) This isn’t about a present. In fact, at this stage I would like to spend as little money as possible. I am upset at the lack of forethought and courtesy on what I had hoped would be a wonderful day that I could remember as my first mother’s day with my husband and pup and the little gymnast in my tummy. What I got was some last minute flowers and a card and a day full of silence and pouting because I was mad at him. Pregnancy hormones are not to be fucked with and I simply do not have the necessary skills to stop being angry about this. I have tried various tried and true ways to get over it such as crying it out, and screaming to music in my car. Nothing is working. I guess time will tell…

I apologize for such an angry hormonal post so I will now make it up to you with a picture of a cuddly animal. Here you go.

HOLY VACATION, BATMAN!

So, we are roughly 16 days from my Jamaica vacation where I will witness my BEST FRIEND EVAH marry a guy I ACTUALLY like! How great is that?!?!?!? Know what is even better??? Finding out we are taking the same conncetion from Charlotte to Montego Bay!!! Holy crap I can't stand it... Now you are going to get a plethora of random BFF pics..so there.

today is nuts-o

I am late again and have had an absolutely insane day..Crazy with the productivity, I am..don't you know.
I think I am slap-happy. All I want to do is go home and wash my face, put on my cozies and snuggle my pup (and husband..he is cute as well) and eat the indian lentils and rice my husband promised me this morning. (that is kind of a lie..I totally want to head home and do all those things while Jon Bon Jovi follows me around with an acoustic guitar singing to me softly..but that isn't bloodly likely, now is it?) (oookay, just to be honest..if I am going to say that Jon will be in my house with me after work I think we can just erase the husband and the puppy from the evening and I would leave my makeup on. Also no snuggly pants...actually, no pants)
Well then. Next subject.
How about a new weekly "random crap no one needs to know about me" round up??

Right on. Here we go.

I am allergic to venom. I have a doctors note to prove it.
I will not go in my basement after dark unless there is a tornado screaming over head.
This is related to the venom issue, and the invisible ninja spider that lives down there, despite my assassins multiple attempts to disarm him.
It is crazy lonely in this office when you are alone in a storm.
I do not like tootsey rolls.
I also do not know how they spell tootsey.
I love perfume but am allergic to it.
If I spend too long in a Sephora, I will get a migraine. Every. Damn. Time.
I am awesome.
I am running out of crap to say.
I am addicted to caffeine.
I will, on occasion, offer to punch my grandma for a snickers.
shush, she is a tough old bird, she could totally take me in a fight.
My great grandmo used to threaten to give us a "fishy fishy" if we didn't eat, then she would back hand us in the head.
To this day, I am convinced that people in Italy hit each other with fish.
I just realized that italian women become oddly violent regarding their food.
Full legal name has more characters that the alphabet.
Still an hour and a half to go..Damn it.
Scooter my daisey heads.
I did that to see if I could confuse you..
Also so Mrs C can post the inevitable retort.
There is a scary rumble over head and I am surrounded by windows.
Living in the Midwest is crap.
I have cramps.
I posted my resume on Monster and every life insurance company in the USA has now offered me a position. I turned them all down. because I have standards. and a job.
I am now bored with this.
Blog fail.

I am going to have to rename this blog soon..

I am pretty sure that my three readers know how miserable I have been lately..I think I should seriously rename this thing to "How Angie is Surviving Work Until She Pulls a Slater and Drinks Beer On A Plane's Emergency Slide"

I will get right on that..in the interim I have decided to post snippets of lyrics that have helped me survive so far..

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I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist, or be abused?
I swear I'll never give in, I refuse
-Foo Fighters-Best Of You

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If you're not angry
you're just stupid
or you don't care
how else can you react
when you know
something's so unfair
the men of the hour
can kill half the world in war
make them slaves to a super power
and let them die poor

I was locked
into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
thinking
nothing ever changes
and I was shocked
to see the mistakes of each generation
will just fade like a radio station
if you drive out of range
-Ani DiFranco-Out of Range

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and you just KNOW there will be some Bon Jovi, right..here we go..

Always thought I'd die young
In these hands I've held the gun
But it's too late for dying
Now there's nothing worth hiding
I've lost love lived with shame
I was humbled by my fall from grace
On the steps of decision
It's revenge or forgiveness

Halle Halle
We're one breath away
Halle Halle
From our judgement day
-Bon Jovi-Learn to Love

There you go..I have reverted to using other songs to get through since I appear to have lost the ability to write anything worth a damn myself..I can't wait until vacation..

so sleepy

I have no clue what my issue is, I am so fricking tired and grumpy today that I think someone is pushing my self-destruct button. I have the worst allergies right now (hello Illinois summer) and the stupid nighttime sudafed is clearly killing me 12 HOURS LATER..WTF?!?!?!? Isn't this stuff supposed to wear off so you can proceed with your life as planned?? I could fall asleep right now, I think it gave me narcolepsy. This ought to be fun..
Pleasepleasepleaseplease be done by friday, I can't be sick for my Chicago weekend!