Tuesday, January 4, 2011

blogging about nothing..

It seems like I have the emotional stability of a (insert something you believe lacks emotional stability here). I either have anxiety about how awful I am going to be at motherhood or how all of my friends are going to get sick of my constant blathering, Basically I am a joy to be around. I randomly withdaw from people and then when my husband gets me out of the house to enjoy myself it seems like something always brings down my house of cards.. My mood has been improving lately and I think I am getting to be a bit more like myself again. I have random bursts of backbone and snarky humor (thanks Matthew) but I still randomly need to talk to my mom or sister about (practically) nothing until I feel better. This is one of those things that you halfway look forward to though. I think I was kinda looking to the time when I can lean on my mom and sister and let them welcome me into the sisterhood of moms. I think every young mother probably takes the most comfort from the knowledge gained from the people they have looked up to since they were babies. Not to mention the fact that, if you can't trust your big sister or mom, who the heck can you trust? I should also point out that my Mother-in-law has made me laugh more than a few times regarding my new found belly and fears about this being a lot harder than I thought it would be. I know I am thirty years old but something about this makes me feel like a child (vulnerable and unsure of myself) again. It is a blessing to be able to take a few deep breathes and get a good laugh from the experiences of others. I think this is going to end up being pretty damn cool, but I need to send out some big THANK YOU"S to everyone that has made these first few months easier to navigate. There have been times that I really honestly couldn't breathe I was so terrified and also times where I was so withdrawn that only a call from someone asking me to get out and experience the fun parts of being pregnancy kept me sane. I have a really great support system and I just can't thank any of you enough.

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