Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Random Observation of the day...

I am cheating. This observation is actually from this weekend but here goes...

When I see a black porsche and notice that a woman is driving it, my initial reaction is "Good for her!!"
When I see a black porsche and notice that a man is driving it, my initial reaction is "douchebag."

Hmmm....girl power?

Friday, November 18, 2011

you know you are a mother when....

Here is a new list I have been making in my head for a few weeks now. I feel like sharing it with you all. :)

You know you are officially a mom when:

-You look forward to beating your family home so you can have a few moments alone to have a nice hot QUIET shower alone.
-When someone asks you what is on your shirt and your brain starts to chant "Dearlordnotpoopnotpoopnotpoopnotpoopnotpoop"
-You have held and fed a baby with one arm while cleaning spit up off of your couch.
-You have had a conversation with your spouse that involves only sylablles and hand motions because an infant is sleeping on your chest.
-You have had a hilarious conversation with a baby that involved absolutely no words at all and you both totally understood.
-You have attempted to lick what you thought was coffee off of your hand (you know, the sticky coffee residue that can get on the side of your hand from your coffee cup?) and found out it wasn't coffee at all (it wasn't coffee, guys. IT WASN'T COFFEE!)
-You have seriously considered drinking hand sanitizer to get the funk off of your tongue.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Things I've learned in the first two months...(this post is likely to be misconstrued and held against me)

I would like to start out by saying that I am incredibly blessed to be surrounded by family and friends that want to be such a huge part of my daughters life. I mean that with all of my heart, truly. It has just recently occurred to me that I may have been putting the needs and wants of the masses ahead of the needs and wants of her father and I. (I realized this about the time I realized that I had not taken any pictures of her baptism nor were there any pictures of us with our daughter for her baptism. We will never get that day back. It made me cry.) This weekend we finally stood up and said no to event invitations and took two entire days alone at home with our daughter and it has been amazing. She has stayed on a schedule, we have had tummy time and play time and some of the funniest conversations involving only grunts and syllables in the entire galaxy. Cheech (our puppy) has actually tried to play with her for the first time, which leads me to believe that the problem wasn't that he wasn't into babies, it was that he wasn't around her enough to figure her out. Once she is big enough to throw a tennis ball, I think they will be best friends. This weekend was just what the four of us needed, which leads me to the following list...

The most important things to remember:
I am her mother, not her driver. I should act like it.
When she is sleeping, we will not be leaving the house.
When she is eating or due to eat, we will not be leaving the house.
If we have not spent at LEAST three consecutive hours together as a family, we will not be leaving the house.

These are our new family rules and I am sticking to them. Now back to baby time, I don't want to miss a thing...

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

tomorrow is gonna suck

I can't really think about anything other than that,well that and the fact that I hate my new laptop because the HP people thought that silver keys with silver letters would look cool but isn't functional AT ALL.  I'm a little grumpy. I start back at work romorrow (GOD DAMN YOU HP!) tomorrow. I start back at work tomorrow whick means (GOD DAMN YOU HP!) which means that I have to take my girl to daycare where she gets to spread her cute all over people who aren't me. All day. Without mommy. 8 hours. I hate work. and HP. Screw real life.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Hello old friends!

I have been MIA and I apologize but it is CRAZY hard to blog with a newborn! Talk about a trip! I will be the first to admit that I am the same girl that swore I  wasn't getting married until I had "nothing better to do with her life" (I got married at 20) and then swore I was never having children (Hello biological clock!) so I clearly had no clue what I really wanted out of life back then.
(side-note: one sentence in and I have stopped twice to retrieve a binky and suck snot out of tiny nostrils. I have no clue where I was going with that intro...)
Okay, just had to stop to re-wrap the girl twice, explain that if I don't keep her arms warm the police will take her away from me and then counter her resounding argument with the super mature retort of "brown hair, don't care."
Her arms still aren't swaddled.
Me = mother of the year.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I freaking love motherhood. Seriously.
Six weeks in and I think I am getting the hang of this. Now, don't get me wrong..this is the biggest, scariest thing I have ever done and it took a lot of adjusting (and Prozac) to get to the point of being able to say I can totally do this. There is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for that little girl.

My favorite things that have surprised me with my daughter:
Dance parties with her are way more fun than a dance club on a saturday night.
She has great taste in music.
She has an awesome sense of humor and irony.

Now for pictures. :)

That's my girl!!

Seriously....I made that.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

an update and a warning.

I am in the world’s shittiest mood and I still have no information from my doctor. Evidently my liver test was fine and they have no clue when the bile test (the actual test to diagnose cholestasis) will be back. He thinks perhaps I should just see a dermatologist for a rash that I don’t even have. I also wonder what the fuck he thinks a dermatologist will be able to do for my insomnia and nausea. Perhaps a dermatologist could also deliver my baby? Ass. I am seriously about a day from just giving up on eating or sleeping and my next appointment is on Monday so my outlook isn’t too great, as you can tell. Since the wonderful Dr. can’t come up with a course of treatment I guess I will just have to go with no sleep and no food until he can come up with a better fucking plan or at least decide to read the actual notes on my visit with Dr. Hany from Thursday and come up with something better. I am so sick of this I don’t even care anymore. I give up.

Monday, June 20, 2011

I am AWFUL at being pregnant, even my organs are ticked.

I am currently waiting on the results of a Bile Salts Lab and a liver function test. Awesome. Evidently they think my body is so cranky about being pregnant that my liver and gallbladder aren't even on speaking terms at this point. If my bile levels are elevated then I am moved to high risk and either put on bed rest (I'm totally cool with that since I can't sleep at all anymore) or admitted to the hospital for constant monitoring (Not cool with this at all). The main issue will be that currently my liver is running Baby Girl's liver and if my liver is being a total douche then they will have to harvest Baby Girl from my womb at 37 weeks for her safety. My liver may be an asshole. We shall see if my labs ever come back. I am not terribly hopeful as I have all of the damn symptoms of this issue (called Cholestasis of Pregnancy) which just so happens to be the oddest mix of symptoms EVER. Seriously, who would think that the following list of sympton would even be related let alone a symptom of liver malfunction? Syptoms include: Itching of the soles of your feet and palms of your hands (insane freaking itching that makes you serioulsy consider shaving off your skin at 1 a.m.? (check)), Insomnia (check), Depression (check), Nausea (gorp. blargh. blech. (check)), upper quadrant pain (this actually makes sense since that is where your liver is. (check.)) and jaundice (nope.). I will say that the doctor gave me a very tiny script of Ambien and warned not to take it unless absolutely necessary and not two nights in a row due to the addictive nature of the drug. I have taken it twice since my appt and I have to tell you that I totally see why people will get addicted. It was not only the best sleep I have ever had but I woke up feeling like myself for the first time in months. It was amazing. It felt like I slept on a cloud while angels brushed my hair and whispered sweet words of encouragement and told me everything would be alright. I haven't been that relaxed since November. Ambien is clearly dangerous.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Things I really miss in this 7th month.

1. Taking a deep breath. Seriously. No one tells you that you lose the ability to take a deep breath. No wonder you are prone to random panic attacks in the third trimester!! No body can get enough oxygen!
2. Sleeping. In General. I remember sleep being awesome, like spending a few beautiful hours floating on a cloud while angels stroked your forehead and sang you a sweet lullaby. Now it sucks. Badly.
3. My body.  I really don't think I will ever get it back at this stage. WTH. How is this going to go back?? I need a trainer.
4. Walking to Starbucks on break. It is less than 10 yards away. I felt like I completed a triathalon and needed a nap afterwards, no joke.
5. Being able to watch a TV drama without having an irrational reaction to something that happened to an animal or child. or woman. or man. or houseplant. (sigh)
6. Sitting on my couch. How does a couch become uncomfortable in a week. I hate that thing now. I have ONE chair that is comfortable and not too deep or too low. Stupid couch.
7. The sweet little kicks that I looked forward to. Now I mostly feel Braxton Hicks contractions and they suck. Although she did get the hiccups last night and that was pretty cool. That was a definite plus.
8. The idea that there is plenty of time to get stuff ready. There isn't.
9. Sanity. Everything that feels wrong or hurts terrifies me. I've already had one emergency check up thanks to the BH contractions. I just need to know she is good and staying where she is for 2 more months but on the other hand...number 10.
10. The "sit back and enjoy this time" mentality. I am getting antsy. I would like to see her. When does July get here??

Monday, May 9, 2011

Warning: This is extremely bitchy and you should probably not read it.

This weekend blew. Well, let me correct that…HALF of this weekend blew. A friend of mine offered to do pregnancy pictures for me and at first I refused because I am ridiculously vain and honestly am not terribly comfortable in this new body but then I agreed and ended up having a wonderful time, so THAT was the good part. We then went to a cookout with friends and had a great time as well, up until I decided the day had been long enough and my feet were large enough while my husband decided that beer tastes like heaven and forgot to give a crap about hugely pregnant wife in 80 degree weather. So I left him there. I went home and showered off the hours of sweat and ran to the store to get puppy treats and then made the puppy dinner (he is on a special diet) which he was 2 ½ hours overdue for. I text the husband to offer to come get him but he decided he would stay and find his own way home about 2 hours later. I am sure the women out there can see the issue as the next morning was Mother’s Day. Husband came home and went straight to bed and then commenced snoring so loud that I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I honestly would have smothered him if I hadn’t decided to just go downstairs to try to sleep on the couch. (Pregnancy tip: It is impossible to get comfortable on a couch at 7 months pregnant. Do not even attempt.) I did manage to catch up on my DVR’d soaps and last weeks One Tree Hill so that was nice and just as I managed to fall asleep Husband decided to come downstairs in his stupor to get some Advil (hangovers are a bitch, eh?) turning on lights and waking me up AGAIN. So after less than 3 hours of sleep I finally hauled my butt up and decided to just shower and take the puppy out to my mom’s house to give her her card and LO AND BEHOLD, who is magically awake and asking me where I am going? Husband. Oh goody. I informed him I was going to my mothers and he should attempt to remember to do the same while I am gone. (this will figure back into the story later.) I then leave after biting my tongue when he asked if I wanted to do anything for Mothers day when I got back. (My mind had a lot to say on this one...”I had assumed that being hung over and ignoring me was how you had planned to spend my first mother’s day” or “oh I am so sorry, I forgot to make plans to celebrate for you. How about you just go back to sleep and I will think of something?”) but I just mentioned that I was surprised he knew it was mother’s day and walked out. Puppy and I went to my mom’s and had a nice sit outside and talked and then I headed home...to receive a card (sweet card, perhaps something hand written inside would have worked though, huh?) and some hydrangeas from the “holy shit, I am stupid and need to fix this with my wife pronto” last minute selection at the grocery store and the promise of a spa day after the wee one makes her arrival. Sure. I will put that on my calendar. He also asked if I would like to put my microwaved leftovers away and get brunch (a hint I had less than subtly dropped about a week earlier.) I figured that belonged in the “Too late” category and ate the leftovers and went up for a nap, exhausted from 3 hours of sleep and rage, and woke to an empty house at dinner time. Huh. No note to be found but the absence of the fern he buys his mother every year led me to believe he had taken his mother’s day present to her for dinner time as they were planning on cooking out. Awesome. Dinner will now be coming from the microwave again. Sweet. I cleaned the house, fed the puppy dinner and arranged some laundry while he was having (what I assume to be a lovely and pre-planned) Mother’s Day with his family. He offered to make me whatever I wanted upon his return and by that point cooking would have taken us into the evening news so a steamed veggie pouch in sauce and a couple of pop tarts were dinner. (Pregnancy tip: blueberry pop tarts will kind of taste like pie if you concentrate real hard.)

At this point I would like to explain exactly why I was upset. I am getting a lovely present that we had ordered together last week (a beautiful custom baby memories book from Etsy) This isn’t about a present. In fact, at this stage I would like to spend as little money as possible. I am upset at the lack of forethought and courtesy on what I had hoped would be a wonderful day that I could remember as my first mother’s day with my husband and pup and the little gymnast in my tummy. What I got was some last minute flowers and a card and a day full of silence and pouting because I was mad at him. Pregnancy hormones are not to be fucked with and I simply do not have the necessary skills to stop being angry about this. I have tried various tried and true ways to get over it such as crying it out, and screaming to music in my car. Nothing is working. I guess time will tell…

I apologize for such an angry hormonal post so I will now make it up to you with a picture of a cuddly animal. Here you go.

Friday, April 22, 2011

I'm feeling a little hormonal and grumpy today.

I have recently gone off on a tangent about the following (a wrap up):
People having an opinion on my birth plan. (I don't really care what you think, it's my vagina. FYI.)
Returning to work after my matrnity leave.
Gift registries (I am freaked out that no one will buy from the registry and my baby will have to sleep in a box.)
And finally..Motherhood in general and how everyone wants to tell me exactly how little I know and how much I have to learn. (if you can't be supportive and not make me feel worthless then jump off)

Also, I would punch my grandma for some soft serve ice cream.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

FYI, Yes I will be returning to work

I was just emailing my best friend when she sent me a link to a blog about how bitchy people can get about working moms and daycare. I am beginning to feel quite strongly about this issue as I have recently been receiving the "Ohhh, You WILL be going back to work after the baby??" question in the tone of voice that suggests that I may not be a great mom or perhaps I should have waited until we could afford a child instead of paying strangers to raise her. I'd like to clear something up right now. I will be returning to work and the reasons are not purely financial. I am good at what I do. I like what I do. I feel good about doing what I do. I am positive there will be days that I will hate leaving my baby girl but I have selected a fantastic home day care where I am completely comfortable with her being. I am diagnosed with OCD and being able to say that I finally have a puppy sitter that I trust took almost 7 years so trust me that this daycare thing was a big deal. A very BIG DEAL. I have been using smart ass humor to end the conversation up to this point (i.e. My answer has mainly been that I have to go back to work to support our coke habit, if you think the price of gas has gone up you would be amazed at the current mark up on pharmaceutical grade cocaine!) and if people don't know that that is a joke then they can just eff right off. I have nothing against being a stay at home mom, I was raised by a stay at home mom who took care of all four of us kids and kept a beautiful home on top of that. God bless her. I would also like to tell you what else my mom excelled at: she taught my sister and me to be independent and speak our mind and never rely on anyone for anything that you can provide for yourself. This isn't a reflection on my parent’s marriage in any way as they are still happily married after what seems like eons. I am pretty sure around 50 years, in fact. This was just the way she wanted us to behave so that she knew we would be able to take care of ourselves in the face of any obstacle. I am happily married (heading to year 11 already! Time sure flies!) and expecting my first baby and I plan on raising my daughter the exact same way. I just hope by the time I am welcoming my first grand baby that people will have a much more evolved view of the working mother. I am embarking on working two full time jobs and I simply couldn't be happier. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, you judgmental old bags.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Please Bookmark this site for your online shopping

I can't put into words how much I love this site and what it does. All you have to do it access the stores you normally shop at from the website http://www.letshelpanimals.org/ and you donate money without adding any additional cost to the price you were going to spend anyway! It is just one extra click and can mean the world to an animal in need. As an added bonus Target is one of the retailers listed so any registry presents bought through them will automatically help my favorite cause! Everyone check out what they have to offer and please bookmark this site for future online shopping. It would mean the world to an animal and to me.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Weekly round up..

Things are moving right along on the pregnancy front. I will randomly get all bajiggity regarding how much time has passed and how little I feel like we have accomplished. We are currently in the process of emptying out our office/guest room/catch all to transform it into a little baby wonderland which is proving much more stressful that I assumed it would be. We have a ton of crap and it isn’t necessarily easy to figure out where to put it or how to dispose of it. I really wish I could just get everything thrown out in one weekend so I could get it off my mind but it isn’t just up to me since the majority of the stuff in there is the husbands so I have to be patient and I absolutely suck at that. Sheesh, I am getting stressed out just writing about it. On to better topics...

I finally got registered at Penney’s and Target for baby stuff so that is taken care of. I feel badly because pretty much 85% of what I registered for is online only so you can’t just head out and pick it up on a whim but at least I have my list together. It is amazing how much stuff you need that you don’t think about prior to actually nearing your 3rd trimester. There is a ton of stuff on the registry that I never contemplated needing but evidently you just can’t live without it. I suppose a wipe warmer makes sense as a wet cold wipe on a sensitive bum would be a bit shocking for an infant but I had never heard of such a thing! Back in the planning stages all I thought about was what colors to paint and all the cute things I wanted to buy our baby and thought I had it all planned out. Total BS. I hadn’t a clue what we would actually need to embark on this endeavor! Wowzers..so for any of my friends are checking my registry I do apologize..there is a lot of crap on it and I will be purchasing plenty on the list as well but I had to use it to gather my thoughts as to what functional items we would require as well. I am a tad bit overwhelmed. I trust most of you have been there and will reserve judgment on the level of my ridiculousness for that reason. Thanks in advance ;)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Catching up!

Anthony still won’t let me post the sonogram pictures but I can tell you she is a crazy beautiful little girl with huge eyes and big lips like her momma. She kind of looks like a doll and I can't wait to hold her. We get to have another sonogram on the 13th so they can get the pictures she wouldn't hold still for the first time (she is going to be a handful!) so I hopefully will get to watch her throw a hissy fit again. OH! It finally happened. Baby girl kicked Cheech. It was awesome! He insists on trying to sit where my lap USED to be and ends up in this weird position that looks like a cross between a magician doing his “Voila!” and a gang member sprawled on a bench from one of those lock up shows on MSNBC. (Shut up, I love those shows..That is real reality TV drama people!) So picture my dog all sprawled half on my lap and half on my belly when baby girl decided she was unhappily smushed and gave a great big kick. Cheech jumped and spun his head around to look at my belly, expecting to see SOMETHING but just ending up confused. He got up and moved off the belly with a puppy sigh and settled next to me. Poor thing didn’t even get any sympathy because I was laughing too darn hard to comfort him! I really hope they can be friends after they get used to each other!
I am trying to get a handle on what her current schedule is so that I can be prepared for when she gets here but as far as I can tell she just wakes up about every 3 hours and throws herself a little party until she is worn out and then grabs some more z's. She is a lot like me in college. :)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Managing Expectations in Life

In business, managing your client’s expectations up front can save a lot of time and stress in the future for everyone involved. In life, the same is absolutely true. I have learned that when dealing with people who have hurt you, you can't continue to expect something that someone is just not willing to provide. In this respect the only thing you can control is how you manage your expectations of the relationship. We all have many complicated relationships revolving around us at all times and it is completely understandable that we would hope to have each of those be completely equal and fulfilling be it friend, acquaintance, lover or family but the odds of that happening are slim. The best way to proceed once this has been proven is to immediately reevaluate the situation and take you out of the equation. I tend to be very sensitive and I dwell on situations that I have no control over. In this respect I have left myself open to a lot of unnecessary heartache. The most important lessons I have learned are these: You can’t control others actions, only your reactions and that YOU teach people how to treat you. If you are constantly stuck in the same cycle in relationships then the only thing that you can do to mitigate any further emotional stress or pain is to work to control how you let the relationship affect your life. We CAN control who is in our lives and how much power we give them, if they prove unworthy then all you have to do is take the power away and move on knowing that you did what you could and you had control over your own part of the relationship. When any relationship becomes too much work and not enough reward then all you can do is be honest and move on. Learning this truth can really take a weight off of our shoulders and let you rest and this emotional baggage is the best kind of weight to lose.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Crazy pregnancy dreams..

Last night I was transported to pre-Cold War Russia where I was being hidden out by the Catholic church with my baby, who was a demon. Yep, my baby in the dream was a boy (a really odd chubby boy) who lit things on fire and always had a lighter gripped in his fat little hands and would randomly throw up green noxious fluids and scream nonsense. Add to this that the Catholic Church had some sort of clinic for free healthcare where a scary looking old man would heal you with worms and salves. I was put into the care of an American Soldier who was to ferry us back to safety but he would only do so if I could arrange a radiation shower for him because he had been exposed to something during "The Uprising" and that was the only treatment.
I have no clue what the hell this means or why my brain made it up..also I woke up before I was able to get out of Russia...
I am baffled.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Tell me if you heard this one..

So today I reached an awesomely bad "I'm going to make a great mom" low. I accidently flashed my bum to a high school student. Yep, that is right kids. I mooned a minor. Who has two thumbs and will be mother of the year??? This Gal! Let me explain. First of all it is 61 degrees here in the patch today so I woke up excited to wear my cute new maternity dress (and I look adorable). However, at 7:40 in the morning it was only 37 degrees and there was a layer of hard frost on the SUV, which meant I had to scrap it. I am short. I have to stretch like crazy to try to get the windshiled scrapped around my belly and the big old hood on the Subaru Forester so it must have looked quite awkward. I suddenly felt quite the breeze on the backside so I glanced around quickly to see if my neighbor was home and instead caught the eye of an incredibly red faced student on his walk to school. Oh Dear Lord. I cracked up and that poor kid went a running up the street. Next time I think I will wear a coat to protect the poor innocent youth at my friendly neighborhood catholic high school....Bless me father...I know not what my bum does.

Random Observational Post

Just once I would like to go into the ladies room and have it not smell like the marlboro man was having a tea party with a full depends..just sayin'

Monday, March 14, 2011

It's a girl!

No, we haven't had the baby yet but we did get to spy on her in her natural habitat this morning and it was AWESOME! Here is what we learned..she does not like to be woken up and she gets quite annoyed when jiggled out of her slumber. I know she is going to take after me because I got to watch her throw a huge arm swinging, feet kicking fit after the songoram chick woke her up. It was awesome and she definitely has an attitude on her.
I can't wait to see her again!!

Friday, February 25, 2011

new picture..and a few stories about how pregnancy makes me dumb.

I haven't posted for awhile, sorry about that. I am now 18 weeks along and 2 weeks away from our sonogram. I can't wait to see the baby!!!!
Random stories about my pregnancy neurosis..
I am no longer allowed to read the pregnancy book because the "cartoons" made me cry. Seriously. The illustrations in the darn week by week pregnancy book that the insurance sent me made me feel like I was too big for 18 weeks. So I cried. A lot.
Anthony took the book away from me..

I also randomly throw the Kleenex box across the room when I feel the urge...and he isn't looking.
I really don't want him to take my Kleenex box away..

Wednesday, February 9, 2011


I posted a new belly picture this morning. I am just excited that I am looking pregnant instead of just chunky finally :) Excuse my bathroom..I hate cleaning it.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


It finally happened. Massive migraine freakout. I lost vision, had numbness and nausea and had to go to the PromptCare to see a doctor (against my nurses advice, who wanted me to go directly to the hospital) and get a prescription for codeine. Remind me tot to google side effects of medicateions during pregnancy.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Quick lesson...Pregnancy = Fear

No, seriously...
I am suppressing a constant fear that I am somehow doing something completely wrong, therefore breaking the baby. Perhaps I am not eating spinach or fruit often enough..perhaps I am eating the WRONG fruit..Maybe I forgot to wash the lettuce and now have enough pesticides in my system to give my baby a sixth toe. It goes on and on..
Then there is the money issue...
Before you begin to work on the whole knocked up thing, you go over your finances. a lot. Once you figure everything out and realize that you totally have this ish under control you start going to town like rabbits, right? Right. Then the magical day comes when you pee on a stick and get two lines (Halleluia!! My ovaries work and my husband has good swimmers!!) Right after that wonderful, incredible, blissed out moment you realize something...YOU WILL NEVER MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO SUPPORT THIS AWESOME NEW LIFE!!! WHAT IF THE BABY ACTUALLY WANTS TO GO TO HARVARD??? WHAT IF THEY DECIDE TO BACKPACK IN EUROPE AFTER HIGH SCHOOL??????? WHAT IF THEY LIKE TO EAT AT RESTAURANTS???????HOLY SHITBALLS, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??????????????????????
I've been alternating those thoughts in my brain on a constant basis, like a mental jukebox with ADHD.  Don't even mention the word breastfeeding..

Thursday, January 13, 2011


I am having one of the days that just won't end..actually I am having one of those WEEKS! I am running super low on patience and am having a harder and harder time not randomly snapping at people who appear to just be talking to hear their own voice..Hormones are a Bi-atch! (and so am I, for the record)
In good news of the blogging about my pregnancy variety, it appears that the morning sickness is beginning to level out and my first trimester officially is over on wednesday. I am still unable to sleep more that 3 consecutive hours a night and can't breathe for crap if laying down (This is a sinus issue but I can't have ANY GOOD DRUGS!) (sigh) I am back to liking my normal foods and eating on a normal schedule which is awesome because I freaking love eating, seriously..chinese, pasta, greek..Bring it ON! I still am just eating many small meals a day and if I mess up the rotation then I will still get nauseous so I have to pay attention to how long it has been since I ate (2 hours=Grab a snack! 4hours=Grab a puke bucket) I may be getting the hang of this pregnancy thing but what I really miss is my old friends..you know..Topomax, Xanax, Vicodin..I can't wait to be able to hang out with those guys again! I am seriously on 6 months without my migraine medication (SUCK) and 4 months without anything for anxiety (not a big deal except that crazy hormone changes give you awful anxiety attacks, on top of my already overactive OCD.) and no pain meds besides Tylenol (HA!) to use when I get a migraine.  I seriously miss sleeping and not having headaches. I understand that this is all worth it (For serious, I wish I could listen to that heartbeat every day. It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard) but sometimes when I am pacing with a migraine and can't get any relief, I get a little frustrated. I'm human. I am an overly emotional, sometimes highly excitable and always exhausted human. All of that being said, however, I can not wait until our next sonogram. I am dying to see this little face!!!

Friday, January 7, 2011

do you like my pretty new theme?

I am sick to death of winter and was in desperate need of something green and alive! I really don't have anything else to blog about other than the fact that I was looking over this years calendar and realized I am going to have an infant this year for halloween. Freaking sweet.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

blogging about nothing..

It seems like I have the emotional stability of a (insert something you believe lacks emotional stability here). I either have anxiety about how awful I am going to be at motherhood or how all of my friends are going to get sick of my constant blathering, Basically I am a joy to be around. I randomly withdaw from people and then when my husband gets me out of the house to enjoy myself it seems like something always brings down my house of cards.. My mood has been improving lately and I think I am getting to be a bit more like myself again. I have random bursts of backbone and snarky humor (thanks Matthew) but I still randomly need to talk to my mom or sister about (practically) nothing until I feel better. This is one of those things that you halfway look forward to though. I think I was kinda looking to the time when I can lean on my mom and sister and let them welcome me into the sisterhood of moms. I think every young mother probably takes the most comfort from the knowledge gained from the people they have looked up to since they were babies. Not to mention the fact that, if you can't trust your big sister or mom, who the heck can you trust? I should also point out that my Mother-in-law has made me laugh more than a few times regarding my new found belly and fears about this being a lot harder than I thought it would be. I know I am thirty years old but something about this makes me feel like a child (vulnerable and unsure of myself) again. It is a blessing to be able to take a few deep breathes and get a good laugh from the experiences of others. I think this is going to end up being pretty damn cool, but I need to send out some big THANK YOU"S to everyone that has made these first few months easier to navigate. There have been times that I really honestly couldn't breathe I was so terrified and also times where I was so withdrawn that only a call from someone asking me to get out and experience the fun parts of being pregnancy kept me sane. I have a really great support system and I just can't thank any of you enough.