Wednesday, January 26, 2011


It finally happened. Massive migraine freakout. I lost vision, had numbness and nausea and had to go to the PromptCare to see a doctor (against my nurses advice, who wanted me to go directly to the hospital) and get a prescription for codeine. Remind me tot to google side effects of medicateions during pregnancy.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Quick lesson...Pregnancy = Fear

No, seriously...
I am suppressing a constant fear that I am somehow doing something completely wrong, therefore breaking the baby. Perhaps I am not eating spinach or fruit often enough..perhaps I am eating the WRONG fruit..Maybe I forgot to wash the lettuce and now have enough pesticides in my system to give my baby a sixth toe. It goes on and on..
Then there is the money issue...
Before you begin to work on the whole knocked up thing, you go over your finances. a lot. Once you figure everything out and realize that you totally have this ish under control you start going to town like rabbits, right? Right. Then the magical day comes when you pee on a stick and get two lines (Halleluia!! My ovaries work and my husband has good swimmers!!) Right after that wonderful, incredible, blissed out moment you realize something...YOU WILL NEVER MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO SUPPORT THIS AWESOME NEW LIFE!!! WHAT IF THE BABY ACTUALLY WANTS TO GO TO HARVARD??? WHAT IF THEY DECIDE TO BACKPACK IN EUROPE AFTER HIGH SCHOOL??????? WHAT IF THEY LIKE TO EAT AT RESTAURANTS???????HOLY SHITBALLS, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??????????????????????
I've been alternating those thoughts in my brain on a constant basis, like a mental jukebox with ADHD.  Don't even mention the word breastfeeding..

Thursday, January 13, 2011


I am having one of the days that just won't end..actually I am having one of those WEEKS! I am running super low on patience and am having a harder and harder time not randomly snapping at people who appear to just be talking to hear their own voice..Hormones are a Bi-atch! (and so am I, for the record)
In good news of the blogging about my pregnancy variety, it appears that the morning sickness is beginning to level out and my first trimester officially is over on wednesday. I am still unable to sleep more that 3 consecutive hours a night and can't breathe for crap if laying down (This is a sinus issue but I can't have ANY GOOD DRUGS!) (sigh) I am back to liking my normal foods and eating on a normal schedule which is awesome because I freaking love eating, seriously..chinese, pasta, greek..Bring it ON! I still am just eating many small meals a day and if I mess up the rotation then I will still get nauseous so I have to pay attention to how long it has been since I ate (2 hours=Grab a snack! 4hours=Grab a puke bucket) I may be getting the hang of this pregnancy thing but what I really miss is my old know..Topomax, Xanax, Vicodin..I can't wait to be able to hang out with those guys again! I am seriously on 6 months without my migraine medication (SUCK) and 4 months without anything for anxiety (not a big deal except that crazy hormone changes give you awful anxiety attacks, on top of my already overactive OCD.) and no pain meds besides Tylenol (HA!) to use when I get a migraine.  I seriously miss sleeping and not having headaches. I understand that this is all worth it (For serious, I wish I could listen to that heartbeat every day. It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard) but sometimes when I am pacing with a migraine and can't get any relief, I get a little frustrated. I'm human. I am an overly emotional, sometimes highly excitable and always exhausted human. All of that being said, however, I can not wait until our next sonogram. I am dying to see this little face!!!

Friday, January 7, 2011

do you like my pretty new theme?

I am sick to death of winter and was in desperate need of something green and alive! I really don't have anything else to blog about other than the fact that I was looking over this years calendar and realized I am going to have an infant this year for halloween. Freaking sweet.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

blogging about nothing..

It seems like I have the emotional stability of a (insert something you believe lacks emotional stability here). I either have anxiety about how awful I am going to be at motherhood or how all of my friends are going to get sick of my constant blathering, Basically I am a joy to be around. I randomly withdaw from people and then when my husband gets me out of the house to enjoy myself it seems like something always brings down my house of cards.. My mood has been improving lately and I think I am getting to be a bit more like myself again. I have random bursts of backbone and snarky humor (thanks Matthew) but I still randomly need to talk to my mom or sister about (practically) nothing until I feel better. This is one of those things that you halfway look forward to though. I think I was kinda looking to the time when I can lean on my mom and sister and let them welcome me into the sisterhood of moms. I think every young mother probably takes the most comfort from the knowledge gained from the people they have looked up to since they were babies. Not to mention the fact that, if you can't trust your big sister or mom, who the heck can you trust? I should also point out that my Mother-in-law has made me laugh more than a few times regarding my new found belly and fears about this being a lot harder than I thought it would be. I know I am thirty years old but something about this makes me feel like a child (vulnerable and unsure of myself) again. It is a blessing to be able to take a few deep breathes and get a good laugh from the experiences of others. I think this is going to end up being pretty damn cool, but I need to send out some big THANK YOU"S to everyone that has made these first few months easier to navigate. There have been times that I really honestly couldn't breathe I was so terrified and also times where I was so withdrawn that only a call from someone asking me to get out and experience the fun parts of being pregnancy kept me sane. I have a really great support system and I just can't thank any of you enough.