Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I had cupcakes and yet today still makes me want to go back to bed..

I had a cupcake for breakfast, usually that would make my day. Add in a cup of Blue Mountain Coffee and it becomes a stellar day, however, it appears the day is dead set on mocking me. While doing my makeup I shook my powder only to find that the top wasn't on and then had to clean everything and dump out my coffee since an inordinant amount of Bare Minerals was floating in it. I attempted to do my hair only to spray watermelon body spray instead of bed head beach waves spray in it (I smell like a 12 year old) then tried to towel dry it out with the towel I cleaned up all the powder with. awesome.

I still managed to get out of the house on time to go get the tags for the car (that was a win) but didn't have the time to stop for coffee which sucked. a lot. I also found out I am out of the Starbucks Via so no coffee for me since I won't pay $5 a month to drink the bobcat urine they call coffee here.

Then I went over the check book only to realize that I forgot to pay the electic and gas companies and have been spending money that wasn't "disposable" after all. freaking sweet. I should be getting my dumbass award any day now.

I also warn everyone that today is my boring late shift so you will be getting multiple blogs.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


Hmmmm..that was pretty much all I had to say..yup. This monthly gift of mine just keeps on showing up and it is starting to really really really REALLY piss me off. Whatever...more money for me. I am going to need to shop for fall anyway. I really really REALLY miss Jamaica. I think my ovaries are lazy, by the way..or they are just total failures, oh well... This is pretty much just a TMI blog today..I will not be posting this to facebook or twitter, this is just a venting blog. I hate everything today. Someone bring me a damn cupcake.

vacation was is not as incredible


It was gorgeous, relaxing, oceanside paradise and now I am here. In my cube farm. Answering phones.

What the hell, dude.

I miss Jamaica.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Breaking news....I am nuts.

Here is a quick summary of last evening at my house: Got home, went for a run, had dinner with Anthony. He ended up allowing me to skip the gym since I had opted for a jog so after dinner I cozied up and settled in for tv and puppy snugglin' good times. What happened next shall forever haunt me...the LARGEST FREAKING SPIDER ON EARTH ran from my DVD shelves across the living room carpet and paused (I assume to consider the best way to kill me) in front of the armoir. Seriously, this spider was soooo big that I wasn't sure what it was at first. I was totally frozen..terrified and having a very very hard time coming up with a plan, since all I could hear inside my head was screaming. Picture how ridiculous this actually looked as I detail what unfolded.. I am huddled on my couch attempting to not look directly at the spider from hell while pretending that I don't see anything so Cheech dosen't notice and run over to eat the deadly evil and I assume venomous transformer of a spider. Then after the spider moved again (SHRIEK!) to the puppy snuggle ball I hightailed it to the bathroom where all I could find was a can of flying insect killer (I'll try anything...I would have used hair spray is I had any) and about a MILLION FREAKING CANDLES! I grabbed the pest poison and snuck back into my living room while trying to look nonchalant to both the quizzical puppy and the bloodthirsty spider to turn on the overhead light. Fan turns on, no light. JEEEBUS!! So then I have to drag a chair from the dining room to the living room (it is getting much harder to appear casual at this point) so I can reach the fan to turn off the wind machine and on the light so that I can keep the spider in my sights..And THEN..FINALLY...I chicken out and cower on the couch at the mere thought of walking closer to the spider. I rock. I start to reformulate a plan but all I can come up with is to open the front door of my house and fling the snuggle ball out the front door while screaming and pray the spider dosen't fall out or jump out and attack me.

At this point, Anthony came home. (Thank Jesus!)

I started speaking really fast to explain all that had happened while he had been at the gym, which only worried him more I bet. Then I just started saying "No, Don't touch the snuggle ball. It is IN THERE!!" So he sent me upstairs (mostly because I think I was freaking him out) and then I hear "Holy Crap, THAT IS A BIG SPIDER" followed by a heavy thud. Dead prehistoric deadly venomous ninja spider. Halleluia!

Cue the Xanax.

I will just post verbatim what my tweets were posted last night.
"Any twits out there taking Xanax? (generic xanax anyway..I have HMO) Do your pills have a symbol that looks like the breast cancer ribbon? Because the last thing I need in the middle of an anxiety attack is to suddenly think I have cancer..not cool pharmaceutical company."

It was a really long night.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

feel free to skip this as I may get a little political..

I really prefer not to discuss politics with people I like (because I want to continue to like them) but this whole "burning the Koran' thing is absolutely ridiculous. In fact, I have a friend who is asking everyone he knows to buy a Koran on September 11th to prove to the world that Americans as a whole are not a "hate filled nation of complete hypocrites" and I support this movement 110%. The pastor in Florida is turning Radical Christians against a religion that doesn’t in ANY WAY promote terror ideals. Now we have a set of Radical Christians inciting a group of Radical Islamists..How much freaking sense does this make? This country was "supposedly" founded on the ideal of religious freedom (I doubt the people we stole the land from agree, however.) and to continue to hunt and persecute people who do not agree with Christianity is inhumane, un-American and, most of all, against the fucking LAW.

You may be able to tell that I am not pleased. This makes me angry.

Friday, September 3, 2010


So, we are roughly 16 days from my Jamaica vacation where I will witness my BEST FRIEND EVAH marry a guy I ACTUALLY like! How great is that?!?!?!? Know what is even better??? Finding out we are taking the same conncetion from Charlotte to Montego Bay!!! Holy crap I can't stand it... Now you are going to get a plethora of random BFF there.

Thanks for the spelling lessons!

I am starting to think I have the most read and least followed blog ever...I have 4 followers but routinely get DM'd from people that read me but aren't following me. I feel like a lonely cat woman who thinks she has no friends but when she actually walks out of her house to get the mail it turns into Cheers out there and everyone is waving and shouting my name...

I didn't get any sleep last night.

I am just rambling..

I am heading to Starbucks now.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

today is nuts-o

I am late again and have had an absolutely insane day..Crazy with the productivity, I am..don't you know.
I think I am slap-happy. All I want to do is go home and wash my face, put on my cozies and snuggle my pup (and husband..he is cute as well) and eat the indian lentils and rice my husband promised me this morning. (that is kind of a lie..I totally want to head home and do all those things while Jon Bon Jovi follows me around with an acoustic guitar singing to me softly..but that isn't bloodly likely, now is it?) (oookay, just to be honest..if I am going to say that Jon will be in my house with me after work I think we can just erase the husband and the puppy from the evening and I would leave my makeup on. Also no snuggly pants...actually, no pants)
Well then. Next subject.
How about a new weekly "random crap no one needs to know about me" round up??

Right on. Here we go.

I am allergic to venom. I have a doctors note to prove it.
I will not go in my basement after dark unless there is a tornado screaming over head.
This is related to the venom issue, and the invisible ninja spider that lives down there, despite my assassins multiple attempts to disarm him.
It is crazy lonely in this office when you are alone in a storm.
I do not like tootsey rolls.
I also do not know how they spell tootsey.
I love perfume but am allergic to it.
If I spend too long in a Sephora, I will get a migraine. Every. Damn. Time.
I am awesome.
I am running out of crap to say.
I am addicted to caffeine.
I will, on occasion, offer to punch my grandma for a snickers.
shush, she is a tough old bird, she could totally take me in a fight.
My great grandmo used to threaten to give us a "fishy fishy" if we didn't eat, then she would back hand us in the head.
To this day, I am convinced that people in Italy hit each other with fish.
I just realized that italian women become oddly violent regarding their food.
Full legal name has more characters that the alphabet.
Still an hour and a half to go..Damn it.
Scooter my daisey heads.
I did that to see if I could confuse you..
Also so Mrs C can post the inevitable retort.
There is a scary rumble over head and I am surrounded by windows.
Living in the Midwest is crap.
I have cramps.
I posted my resume on Monster and every life insurance company in the USA has now offered me a position. I turned them all down. because I have standards. and a job.
I am now bored with this.
Blog fail.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

blogger is trying to make me find Jesus.

If you click next from my blog you will be reading all about Psalms and Jesus and...Deer? Yeah, I don't get that one either. Basically what I am getting at is.. "I WAS BAPTISED AT 6 MONTHS OLD, BLOGGER!! I DON'T NEED SAVED!! I JUST REALLY LIKE CURSING!! SHITBALLS COCK COCK SURF TESTICALS DOUCHEBALL ASSHAT!"

Okay, then.
That is all.


Sigh......just sayin'

I can not wait.