Things I really miss in this 7th month.

1. Taking a deep breath. Seriously. No one tells you that you lose the ability to take a deep breath. No wonder you are prone to random panic attacks in the third trimester!! No body can get enough oxygen!
2. Sleeping. In General. I remember sleep being awesome, like spending a few beautiful hours floating on a cloud while angels stroked your forehead and sang you a sweet lullaby. Now it sucks. Badly.
3. My body.  I really don't think I will ever get it back at this stage. WTH. How is this going to go back?? I need a trainer.
4. Walking to Starbucks on break. It is less than 10 yards away. I felt like I completed a triathalon and needed a nap afterwards, no joke.
5. Being able to watch a TV drama without having an irrational reaction to something that happened to an animal or child. or woman. or man. or houseplant. (sigh)
6. Sitting on my couch. How does a couch become uncomfortable in a week. I hate that thing now. I have ONE chair that is comfortable and not too deep or too low. Stupid couch.
7. The sweet little kicks that I looked forward to. Now I mostly feel Braxton Hicks contractions and they suck. Although she did get the hiccups last night and that was pretty cool. That was a definite plus.
8. The idea that there is plenty of time to get stuff ready. There isn't.
9. Sanity. Everything that feels wrong or hurts terrifies me. I've already had one emergency check up thanks to the BH contractions. I just need to know she is good and staying where she is for 2 more months but on the other hand...number 10.
10. The "sit back and enjoy this time" mentality. I am getting antsy. I would like to see her. When does July get here??

Warning: This is extremely bitchy and you should probably not read it.

This weekend blew. Well, let me correct that…HALF of this weekend blew. A friend of mine offered to do pregnancy pictures for me and at first I refused because I am ridiculously vain and honestly am not terribly comfortable in this new body but then I agreed and ended up having a wonderful time, so THAT was the good part. We then went to a cookout with friends and had a great time as well, up until I decided the day had been long enough and my feet were large enough while my husband decided that beer tastes like heaven and forgot to give a crap about hugely pregnant wife in 80 degree weather. So I left him there. I went home and showered off the hours of sweat and ran to the store to get puppy treats and then made the puppy dinner (he is on a special diet) which he was 2 ½ hours overdue for. I text the husband to offer to come get him but he decided he would stay and find his own way home about 2 hours later. I am sure the women out there can see the issue as the next morning was Mother’s Day. Husband came home and went straight to bed and then commenced snoring so loud that I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I honestly would have smothered him if I hadn’t decided to just go downstairs to try to sleep on the couch. (Pregnancy tip: It is impossible to get comfortable on a couch at 7 months pregnant. Do not even attempt.) I did manage to catch up on my DVR’d soaps and last weeks One Tree Hill so that was nice and just as I managed to fall asleep Husband decided to come downstairs in his stupor to get some Advil (hangovers are a bitch, eh?) turning on lights and waking me up AGAIN. So after less than 3 hours of sleep I finally hauled my butt up and decided to just shower and take the puppy out to my mom’s house to give her her card and LO AND BEHOLD, who is magically awake and asking me where I am going? Husband. Oh goody. I informed him I was going to my mothers and he should attempt to remember to do the same while I am gone. (this will figure back into the story later.) I then leave after biting my tongue when he asked if I wanted to do anything for Mothers day when I got back. (My mind had a lot to say on this one...”I had assumed that being hung over and ignoring me was how you had planned to spend my first mother’s day” or “oh I am so sorry, I forgot to make plans to celebrate for you. How about you just go back to sleep and I will think of something?”) but I just mentioned that I was surprised he knew it was mother’s day and walked out. Puppy and I went to my mom’s and had a nice sit outside and talked and then I headed home...to receive a card (sweet card, perhaps something hand written inside would have worked though, huh?) and some hydrangeas from the “holy shit, I am stupid and need to fix this with my wife pronto” last minute selection at the grocery store and the promise of a spa day after the wee one makes her arrival. Sure. I will put that on my calendar. He also asked if I would like to put my microwaved leftovers away and get brunch (a hint I had less than subtly dropped about a week earlier.) I figured that belonged in the “Too late” category and ate the leftovers and went up for a nap, exhausted from 3 hours of sleep and rage, and woke to an empty house at dinner time. Huh. No note to be found but the absence of the fern he buys his mother every year led me to believe he had taken his mother’s day present to her for dinner time as they were planning on cooking out. Awesome. Dinner will now be coming from the microwave again. Sweet. I cleaned the house, fed the puppy dinner and arranged some laundry while he was having (what I assume to be a lovely and pre-planned) Mother’s Day with his family. He offered to make me whatever I wanted upon his return and by that point cooking would have taken us into the evening news so a steamed veggie pouch in sauce and a couple of pop tarts were dinner. (Pregnancy tip: blueberry pop tarts will kind of taste like pie if you concentrate real hard.)

At this point I would like to explain exactly why I was upset. I am getting a lovely present that we had ordered together last week (a beautiful custom baby memories book from Etsy) This isn’t about a present. In fact, at this stage I would like to spend as little money as possible. I am upset at the lack of forethought and courtesy on what I had hoped would be a wonderful day that I could remember as my first mother’s day with my husband and pup and the little gymnast in my tummy. What I got was some last minute flowers and a card and a day full of silence and pouting because I was mad at him. Pregnancy hormones are not to be fucked with and I simply do not have the necessary skills to stop being angry about this. I have tried various tried and true ways to get over it such as crying it out, and screaming to music in my car. Nothing is working. I guess time will tell…

I apologize for such an angry hormonal post so I will now make it up to you with a picture of a cuddly animal. Here you go.

I'm feeling a little hormonal and grumpy today.

I have recently gone off on a tangent about the following (a wrap up):
People having an opinion on my birth plan. (I don't really care what you think, it's my vagina. FYI.)
Returning to work after my matrnity leave.
Gift registries (I am freaked out that no one will buy from the registry and my baby will have to sleep in a box.)
And finally..Motherhood in general and how everyone wants to tell me exactly how little I know and how much I have to learn. (if you can't be supportive and not make me feel worthless then jump off)

Also, I would punch my grandma for some soft serve ice cream.

FYI, Yes I will be returning to work

I was just emailing my best friend when she sent me a link to a blog about how bitchy people can get about working moms and daycare. I am beginning to feel quite strongly about this issue as I have recently been receiving the "Ohhh, You WILL be going back to work after the baby??" question in the tone of voice that suggests that I may not be a great mom or perhaps I should have waited until we could afford a child instead of paying strangers to raise her. I'd like to clear something up right now. I will be returning to work and the reasons are not purely financial. I am good at what I do. I like what I do. I feel good about doing what I do. I am positive there will be days that I will hate leaving my baby girl but I have selected a fantastic home day care where I am completely comfortable with her being. I am diagnosed with OCD and being able to say that I finally have a puppy sitter that I trust took almost 7 years so trust me that this daycare thing was a big deal. A very BIG DEAL. I have been using smart ass humor to end the conversation up to this point (i.e. My answer has mainly been that I have to go back to work to support our coke habit, if you think the price of gas has gone up you would be amazed at the current mark up on pharmaceutical grade cocaine!) and if people don't know that that is a joke then they can just eff right off. I have nothing against being a stay at home mom, I was raised by a stay at home mom who took care of all four of us kids and kept a beautiful home on top of that. God bless her. I would also like to tell you what else my mom excelled at: she taught my sister and me to be independent and speak our mind and never rely on anyone for anything that you can provide for yourself. This isn't a reflection on my parent’s marriage in any way as they are still happily married after what seems like eons. I am pretty sure around 50 years, in fact. This was just the way she wanted us to behave so that she knew we would be able to take care of ourselves in the face of any obstacle. I am happily married (heading to year 11 already! Time sure flies!) and expecting my first baby and I plan on raising my daughter the exact same way. I just hope by the time I am welcoming my first grand baby that people will have a much more evolved view of the working mother. I am embarking on working two full time jobs and I simply couldn't be happier. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, you judgmental old bags.

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Weekly round up..

Things are moving right along on the pregnancy front. I will randomly get all bajiggity regarding how much time has passed and how little I feel like we have accomplished. We are currently in the process of emptying out our office/guest room/catch all to transform it into a little baby wonderland which is proving much more stressful that I assumed it would be. We have a ton of crap and it isn’t necessarily easy to figure out where to put it or how to dispose of it. I really wish I could just get everything thrown out in one weekend so I could get it off my mind but it isn’t just up to me since the majority of the stuff in there is the husbands so I have to be patient and I absolutely suck at that. Sheesh, I am getting stressed out just writing about it. On to better topics...


I finally got registered at Penney’s and Target for baby stuff so that is taken care of. I feel badly because pretty much 85% of what I registered for is online only so you can’t just head out and pick it up on a whim but at least I have my list together. It is amazing how much stuff you need that you don’t think about prior to actually nearing your 3rd trimester. There is a ton of stuff on the registry that I never contemplated needing but evidently you just can’t live without it. I suppose a wipe warmer makes sense as a wet cold wipe on a sensitive bum would be a bit shocking for an infant but I had never heard of such a thing! Back in the planning stages all I thought about was what colors to paint and all the cute things I wanted to buy our baby and thought I had it all planned out. Total BS. I hadn’t a clue what we would actually need to embark on this endeavor! Wowzers..so for any of my friends are checking my registry I do apologize..there is a lot of crap on it and I will be purchasing plenty on the list as well but I had to use it to gather my thoughts as to what functional items we would require as well. I am a tad bit overwhelmed. I trust most of you have been there and will reserve judgment on the level of my ridiculousness for that reason. Thanks in advance ;)

Catching up!

Anthony still won’t let me post the sonogram pictures but I can tell you she is a crazy beautiful little girl with huge eyes and big lips like her momma. She kind of looks like a doll and I can't wait to hold her. We get to have another sonogram on the 13th so they can get the pictures she wouldn't hold still for the first time (she is going to be a handful!) so I hopefully will get to watch her throw a hissy fit again. OH! It finally happened. Baby girl kicked Cheech. It was awesome! He insists on trying to sit where my lap USED to be and ends up in this weird position that looks like a cross between a magician doing his “Voila!” and a gang member sprawled on a bench from one of those lock up shows on MSNBC. (Shut up, I love those shows..That is real reality TV drama people!) So picture my dog all sprawled half on my lap and half on my belly when baby girl decided she was unhappily smushed and gave a great big kick. Cheech jumped and spun his head around to look at my belly, expecting to see SOMETHING but just ending up confused. He got up and moved off the belly with a puppy sigh and settled next to me. Poor thing didn’t even get any sympathy because I was laughing too darn hard to comfort him! I really hope they can be friends after they get used to each other!

I am trying to get a handle on what her current schedule is so that I can be prepared for when she gets here but as far as I can tell she just wakes up about every 3 hours and throws herself a little party until she is worn out and then grabs some more z's. She is a lot like me in college. :)