We may get a little personal, but I am told that is what a blog is for..

I like my life, I really really do. I have everything anyone could ever want. Don't get me wrong, I am not rich, I do not drive a Bentley and I live in a modest 2 bedroom house about five minutes from the center of "all that is wrong with government", Illinois (The capital building in Springfield). What I DO have is possibly the world's most incredible husband and an adorable loving puppy. I have a job that I am good at and a boss that really does respect me and acknowledge all my hard work. This IS the american dream. I understand that. So why do I feel like I am, a)being selfish and b)about to upset the wonderful balance I have managed to achieve, in my sudden quest to have a baby. Am I the only person that has had this struggle? Is it just my OCD telling me that everything is about to implode?
On the flipside..Why isn't it working yet? People get knocked up with the help of SoCo every weekend as far as I can tell, so why is it so difficult to get knocked up when you are FREAKING TRYING TO! Seriously?!?! Are my ovaries lazy?? I don't want to end up taking my temperature every 10 minutes, but evidently I have absolutely NO CLUE what my body is doing. This is frustrating, especially since I am equally terrified of having a baby and not being able to get pregnant. I have no idea what I should be feeling anymore.. I am excited about the future but terrified about the turn the world seems to be taking (including, but not limited to: the state of education, the state of the economy, the unrest between contries and the all too present terror threat, and last but not least, the crazy people that do terrible things for no reason right here in our country.)

I am starting to see that this IS probably the OCD..Hello there, therapy.

Anyway, I just felt a need to unload. Sometimes the weight of things just build up until the weight of nothing can become so heavy that getting out of bed becomes a struggle, and I do not want to get to that point. I know that everything will be fine, and everything is going to work out. Hubby tells me that every time I get freaked out and I trust him completely.
I am just a little surprised that, at 30, I could be this freaked out about taking this next step. I guess we are all just a tentative child inside when it comes to making big decisions.

I am an addict..but not a hardcore one, more like how the smurfs were addicts.

I woke up just early enough to make a full pot of coffee to bring in to work with me. Not early enough to blow dry my hair, mind you, but early enough to make sure I have acceptable coffee to drink today. I can't possibly give it up. I quit smoking but I can't quit caffeine. I understand that is the equivilant of knocking heroine but TRUST, my addiction to The Buck is not to be screwed with...I will cut you.
I am drinking my Anniversary Blend with hazelnut right now..mmmmmmmmmmmm, it's like a thousand hugs from angels. I am not giving it up and you can't make me.

Oh My..

I am seriously considering giving up coffee..this should terrify anyone that knows me personally as I assume it will be the equivilant of putting ethanol in a big rig...But I think it is necessary at this point.
I probably spend upwards of $50-$100 a month on Starbucks. Seriously. I need an intervention and probably drugs for the withdrawls that will surely accompany such a detox.
I read somewhere that eating an apple is more effective than a cup of coffee to wake you up in the morning.
This. is. utter. bull. shit.
I tried it..all I can think of is Coffee, a big steaming latte with 4 pumps of hazelnut syrup..blargurgglegurrglegurrb. (sorry, I was drooling a'la Homer Simpson and his pink donuts)
This post is not making much sense, is it? I think I'd better run to Starbucks after all..

Oh Hai!!

Okay, let me just point out that every time I see someone spell *Hi* that way, my brain immediately turns them in to a cartoon and I see them pop up and start waving like a drunk Dora the Explorer. I can't control this. It just happens. I now think that half of my facebook friends are drunk, overly excited cartoon characters. You're welcome. Someone needs to stop this unless they are captioning an LOLCat, because those are awesome.

I had cupcakes and yet today still makes me want to go back to bed..

I had a cupcake for breakfast, usually that would make my day. Add in a cup of Blue Mountain Coffee and it becomes a stellar day, however, it appears the day is dead set on mocking me. While doing my makeup I shook my powder only to find that the top wasn't on and then had to clean everything and dump out my coffee since an inordinant amount of Bare Minerals was floating in it. I attempted to do my hair only to spray watermelon body spray instead of bed head beach waves spray in it (I smell like a 12 year old) then tried to towel dry it out with the towel I cleaned up all the powder with. awesome.

I still managed to get out of the house on time to go get the tags for the car (that was a win) but didn't have the time to stop for coffee which sucked. a lot. I also found out I am out of the Starbucks Via so no coffee for me since I won't pay $5 a month to drink the bobcat urine they call coffee here.

Then I went over the check book only to realize that I forgot to pay the electic and gas companies and have been spending money that wasn't "disposable" after all. freaking sweet. I should be getting my dumbass award any day now.

I also warn everyone that today is my boring late shift so you will be getting multiple blogs.

kindawannascreamtodayohmygodimissvacationandihavetopeeevery20minutesandnoIAMNOTPREGNANTYET

Hmmmm..that was pretty much all I had to say..yup. This monthly gift of mine just keeps on showing up and it is starting to really really really REALLY piss me off. Whatever...more money for me. I am going to need to shop for fall anyway. I really really REALLY miss Jamaica. I think my ovaries are lazy, by the way..or they are just total failures, oh well... This is pretty much just a TMI blog today..I will not be posting this to facebook or twitter, this is just a venting blog. I hate everything today. Someone bring me a damn cupcake.

vacation was incredible...work is not as incredible

WHY DID I COME BACK FROM JAMAICA???????

It was gorgeous, relaxing, oceanside paradise and now I am here. In my cube farm. Answering phones.

What the hell, dude.

I miss Jamaica.